HI Evening mums and dads. I need some advice. I'm currently sitting at home on the verge of tears... Quick run down. I'm 29, I have two children 2 step children and pregnant with another... Hubby and I and the 4 kids are currently living with my parents and I hate it. Unfortunately we have no choice until our house sells and we can buy another one.
My biggest thing is my "mother". She is so two faced and a manipulative bitch it's not even funny. She will make out I do nothing and she will pretend her and my sister in law do everything. The only time my sister in law does anything around the house is at dinner time and everyone else is around to make out she does something. (Her and my brother also live here with their children)!
If I discipline my kids she buys in, yet swears and yells at them when they misbehave. She will buy shit for them (absolute shit like shopkins and toys they don't need) and then rub it in my face that I haven't purchased them things. I have 2 step children to think of too and a baby on the way in 9 weeks so money to spend on crap that they already have plenty of isn't exactly there right now.
She will bitch about me to anyone who will listen and loves when people hate me including my own siblings. At the moment I feel like she is trying to destroy my marriage. She doesn't like to see me happy and she doesn't want me to move out because she will lose control of me and won't have anyone to blame her anger on. She sits on the lounge and does nothing all fucking day and then when my dad is due to come up from work she will make out she has been doing stuff and I've done nothing. Then when dad asks her what's wrong she will blame it on me. She talks bad about my sister in law behind her back yet she is all nice to her face.
Tonight she just kept finding things to pick on me about. I feel like I'm a child. I feel like im still searching for her approval. My birthday she deliberately picked a fight with me the night before so she didn't have to wish me a happy birthday or buy me anything and then say that I pissed her off. The only reason I "pissed" her off was because she was trying to control me and I wasn't having it.
So I guess what I'm asking is, once we buy our new house (1.5) hours away should I cut contact? No I'm not going to see anyone about the issue because she isn't worth wasting my money or time on. I'm over it. Im sick of feeling like a 13 year old and feeling like she over rides everything I say and do.
6 Replies
It depends. Is your relationship more manageable when you live in separate houses? I get on great with my mum when we don't live together.
Wow that sounds like a house full.
Mum has some serious issues clearly!! What is dad like? Is he easy to talk to?
You do what you need to do babe! By the sounds of it she is not someone I would want my children learning from!! Living in each other's pockets would be frustrating, when you're in your own place and settled, then you should make that kind of decision! Good luck with everything.x
Either way if I love with her or not she tries to dominate everything. She is so over bearing. My dad's great but at the same time that's his wife so he doesnt want to get involved. I feel like a shit parent but until our house is sold and we can get the hell out of here
To me it sounds like you answered your own question in the last paragraph..I feel your pain, just make sure you can live with whatever you decide :) I unfortunately couldn't live with the guilt of cutting my mother out of my life so haven't done it, but have extremely limited contact with her. Good luck and I hope the house sells soon!
This is clearly a difficult position for all involved. Your mother is sick, her behaviour a manifestation, as you point out, coming from selfishness. She selfishly wants to control and belittle those around her in order to make herself feel better. When you have packed all your belongings, ask both your parents for a meeting. With your husband, present your parents with a thank you gift. Tell them how much you appreciate the fact that they have provided a home for you and your family during the housing transition. Then look at your mother and say this (in your own words however the sequence is important): "Mum, i love you but I don't like who you have become. When I am placed in an environment that is controlling, disrespectful and demeaning, I feel powerless, angry and upset. Our relationship as mother and daughter is meant to be loving, positive and supportive. In order to achieve this, I believe we need time apart to consider the impact that the last few months has had on our relationship. When we have both had time to reflect how our behaviour needs to change in order to achieve a loving, trusting relationship, then we can sit down and discuss a way forward". The sequence is: 1. Describe the negative environment; 2. Describe how the environment makes you feel; 3. Describe what is the optimum environment; 4. Outline a way forward. Her response will likely be either shock and /or attack. That's fine, let her rant, say nothing except for "as I said I love you but don't like what you have become. Good bye mum. Good bye dad." Then walk out.
I Have a narcissistic mother and my father is her enabler......when it all got to much I had to seek counciling cos she wasn't going to change and I had to find a way to cope. There are many sites that may be helpful if this is you.
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/daughters-with-narcissisti...
There are heap of other great sites that explain the behaviour. Knowledge is power! Xo