So I have just found out I'm pregnant with number 3. And we are at a total loss with what to do . I have just started back at work - it's a great job ! We are finally starting to get ontop of bills / money . I'm on the pill and take it same time every day - so this is a shock ! My husband doesn't really want to keep it , as hard as it is for him he feels we have to look after our existing family . He's struggling with depression but been seeking help and doing great ! But he's worried this will push him over the edge . Our two kids are at hard age 2 and almost 4. Both constantly fighting and arguing . But I have always wanted a 3rd baby ! And it's our child !! I'm not sure I can do it ? We have our problems and it's been very hard lately BUT we are pretty fantastic parents and our boys are usually so well behaved . But facing reality it's just logically not going to work . We have a Homeloan to pay and selling wouldn't help - we have a strick budget as it is ! Me not working wouldn't cover all our costs . Hubby has changed jobs and earns less but he's happier and the last job lead to a lot of his depression - I couldn't ask him to go back to it !! I don't even know what I'm asking - no one can give me the " right " answer . It's just breaking my heart - it's meant to be such a happy moment .
11 Replies
I would give anything in the world to be pregnant, count your blessings. My husband & I would also be 'pretty fantastic parents', unfortunately we don't get the choice. So be happy, as it is a happy moment.
I'm sorry, that's really unhelpful! It's not a happy moment for this couple. It's an incredible scary, stressful time for this couple. She would hardly write in if it was a happy moment!
Agreed, you are being incredibly unfair. This is not about you, so don't make it about you. I'm sorry for your troubles, but not everyone should be happy to be pregnant just because you can't get pregnant. This was clearly not a planned or wanted baby and it's come as a great shock to this IM and her hubby. If you can't be helpful then scroll on.
It took years to get my first and only child.
It's good to know that this poster is thinking about the best interests of her family and look at what she's written! She's got some guilt there.
I get the bitchiness and the ttc bitterness. I have been there.
I believe in responsible choices and thinking about how to plan for the future. She's at a crossroads and you're not seeing that.
Sorry but that's very unfair . Especially since you haven't been pregnant . All well and good saying its a blessing just deal with it - but sorry as harsh as that sounds - you haven't been their ! Trying to raise two kids whirl being pregnant . Trying to juggle financies on one budget while trying to feed 5 people ! The imagine of motherhood is a lot different to the reality of it . 3 children is also a massive jump from two . Good luck x
I would go get some counselling. Whatever decision you make is your decision, and the only people who need to be ok with it are you and your husband. You make some excellent points about looking after the family you have.
Whatever decision you do make you need to not doubt yourself afterwards and remind yourself that you made the best decision based on your current circumstances.
Having been in this situation years ago myself, IMO this is one of the hardest decisions you will ever have to make. My best advice is to make sure what ever decision you make YOU are at peace with it. As much as considering dad's needs is important, in the end it is your body and you are growing that new life. It is so hard to explain the depth of feelings you will have. Particularly as you are a mother already. Your maternal instinct has been switched on and it is very hard to switch off. You are right to consider the children you already have and how you can make sure they get the best of you. I don't know your financial situation, but most times we can find a way to love and care for another without spending a lot of $. My husband at the time suffered from depression and the decision we made in the end ended our marriage (it doesn't matter which way we decided) But after long term counseling I realised - in the end the decision is the woman's. We don't want it to be, but it just is. It's our body and no matter if you have two or three kids (or more) don't have them if you can't raise them financially and emotionally alone. Cause in the end, you are the one with ultimate responsibility. 99% of the time the mums don't leave the kids... If you are only just pregnant and have some time, get some counseling both alone and together. My heart goes out to you mumma. Tough times ahead but I know you will use wisdom to make the right choice for your family. Hugs to you both.
Rewind 12 months and this was me. We were just getting back on our feet and I had finally come to peace with me never having a 3rd child. It was a shock. My hubby never wanted 2 kids but took on one of mine and had another with me. We had the pigeon pair so when we discovered this I went into meltdown. I thought I would lose my hubby and it would be horrible for the kids to adjust to having a baby in the house. So after talking with my hubby for a day about it I booked in for a termination and decided to get it over and done with before it was anything other than a blob. The process was easy and I was back in control of finances and life went back to normal. Then BOOM it hit me. This was not the right decision for ME. I had to deal with my decision I had the hormones raging through me amd the guilt and the dreams. Fast forward 6 months and hubby realised how much it effected me that my dreams couldnt be ignored because of money..so we tried again. We got pregnant straight away. I was in heaven. It was all my dreams come true and the kids were happy with having a baby in the house and having a brother or sister to grow up with. We had our 8 wk scan it measured a little off date then at 10 wks miscarried. I am still dealing with the loss of 2 babies in 1 yr and can't come to terms with the what ifs. What if the first one was a perfect angel for me to be blessed with and the one I lost naturally was payback/karma. The worst thing you will have to deal with is your own depression. Nobody I have ever met has regretted having extra kids but I have met a lot of people who regret not having more. My hubby has decided again we wont try again. I am devo.
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I am so sorry for you :( I can't imagine that at all. I mc with my second pregnancy and it was hard but I then went on to have my rainbow baby. I agree with you, you never regret the children you have.
Hugs and peace to you xx
I would be putting your husbands mental state first and your existing family first
I'd kill for the chamce to be a mum again count the blessings