Please bear with me this may be disjointed and lOng
So 9 months ago i left my husband he was emotionally abusive and controlling, i suffer anxiety which he would always throw back at me. He hid alot of things from me including financial issues etc.
I am now seeing an amazing man but have screwed it up big time. (We live a fair distance away from eachother and he works fifo)
I had thoughts he was cheating on me so i stupidly logged into his facebook account. I know total invasion of privacy.
But once i did it i became addicted to know what he was doing and saying as he doesnt talk to me much about himself
Though facebook showed nothing really except a few sexually explicit messages to a few girls.
He found out and is pissed i don't blame him but when confronted about the messages he just said nothing happened its just how i talk to people.
I am scared i will loose him
But also scared of staying and not having trust in our relationships
I love him dearly but know my own insecurities have made me do something shameful.
Lost confused and scared
3 Replies
Um Hello! He was sending sexually explicit messages to other girls, that is NOT OK! He isn't the guy for you honey. He isn't a great guy, if he was sending someone messages it should have been you.
If he has dumped you he has done you a huge favour. You deserve so much better than that. It sounds like you are still caught in the abuse mentality that being treated badly is ok. It's time to brush yourself off and go get some counselling so you can rebuild your confidence, mental health etc so next time you meet a guy, you can recognise him for the asshole or prince he is and act appropriately rather than feeling bad for catching your guy cheating.
You deserve so much better.
Agree it sounds like you still have the mindset of a victim. You are blaming yourself for his poor actions. The reality is your instinct was that he was hiding something and so you looked and found something. If he really is the man of your dreams, the man you love who loves you he would not be writing to other girls in any way shape or form especially not in a sexual manner. I feel bad that you are even thinking like this. I would cut him out of your life and go into therapy ASAP. good luck.
So he was sending sexual messages to girls, yet HE'S mad at YOU and you're copping that?? Yeah he's no catch and as well as that hes manipulated the situation to be all your fault (while he cheats and all you do is look and find out) not comparable, he's worse off in this situation. I think you need time for yourself to find normal again otherwise it sounds like there's a good chance with this guy that you'll end up back in the same situation as your last relationship..