Hi IMs
At the start of last year after many years of trying and a miscarriage hubby and I decided no more children (we already have 3 and feel blessed to have them). Fast forward to the end of last year and low and behold I found out I was pregnant again. We were shocked to say the least but very happy.
I am in my final trimester with the due date fast approaching and having anxiety over a few things. The first 1 being hubby works away and its not a quick drive/plan ride for him to get home and he has informed me that until he gets the call of me being in labour then he will make his way home. Major issue is I have really quick easy labours. (4 hrs being my longest). So chances are he will miss the birth. Something Im not sure I could forgive him for. Is that petty? And how do I explain that to him? I understand babies are totally unprectible on when the arrive (1 late 1 early 1 on dd). How can I make sure he is here when I do go into labour. He doesnt have many holidays owing and was planning to use them after bub is born. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did your partner/hubby miss a birth and were you able to forgive?
4 Replies
It is very hard for you on the chance he could miss out, I know a lot of women/friends who have fifo partners and they had the same worries.
Most of them had their partners take their leave as close to the due date as possible, knowing that you may only go 10 days over before being induced.
Then they had their back up plan. Not sure if you have family support around, but I can guarantee that your mother/grandmother/Aunty/sister/best friend would be honoured to be your support and back up if he can't make it.
As for forgiveness, you may have the anxiety going into this potentially alone, but the moment you see your baby in his arms (even if it is a day late) you will see the love and care he has and you will feel silly for thinking this way.
I hope he can make it for you, but make a back up plan if he can't, with that one person you eant to share this moment with. It will be the best day of their lives to be present, and you will have that support you need.
Can you be induced? I was induced on the grounds that my birthing partner needed to have some idea when!
Honestly though I'd have a back up plan birthing partner. It's one thing to miss the birth because you are out drinking, it's another to miss it because you are earning money to feed the family. Don't blame him for something that's out if his control.
I'm guessing every woman is different. I guess you need to accept that he may not make the birth. Would you rather him be at the birth or home when you get home? How easy is it for him to get work? Could you live on no wages if he decides to take leave without pay so he can be there? Really it's all about practicality and circumstances. If my hubby was the bread winner and had to miss the birth of our baby to ensure we could still survive and pay the bills I would accept that. I wouldn't have to forgive anything because he is trying to do the right thing and provide for you. Do you have a best friend that could stand in for your hubby? Someone you know will definitely be there as a support for you? You know that he is going to try his hardest to make it. Isn't that good enough?
I had my show, then 24 hrs later labour started, then almost 24 hours later I had baby. Second I was induced. There's a big chance he will make it And be there.
I can understand your hubby, he could take his holiday and sit at home and nothing happens and then still miss it and miss out on newborn time too.
I think if it's unavoidable then you can't hold it over your husband or need to forgive him. If he just doesn't get the importance to you then explain it more. I'd make a plan b support person for yourself just in case, it also might help you feel less anxious about it.