When I was 21 I met a boy through family & instantly we hit it off, forming a close bond. One problem at the time was I had a son to my boyfriend. I got so close to this guy that I cheated on my bf ( we kissed numerous times, felt each other up but it never got as far as sleeping together even though i wanted too ) I was then asked by the guy to dump my bf and start a life with him I really wanted too but for the sake of my son I decided to stick it out and tell the truth to my man he forgave me and the other guy moved away to let us be.. There was always just something striking bout him he was gorgeous and treated me like a princess , complimenting me when my boyfriend didn't . Over the years I always thought about him as I had never experienced that connection with anybody else before he just made me feel a spark. Anyways I'm now 29 and recently came across the guy from my past on Facebook we became friends on fb and I have found out he is now with a woman with two kids I'm still with my same partner and also have another daughter. My real question is how can I just move on and stop wondering what if I just gave it a shot back then and wondering what my life would be with him
4 Replies
I think everyone has these 'what if' moments. Not any real advice here just wanted to say that you're most definitely not alone in 'fantasising' about old sparks ect. I wish you the best of luck babes ?
My advice is, when you wonder what if, remind yourself WHY you made the decision. Remind yourself what you lost.
But above all else, don't contact him.
Ive had many of these moments when Ive come across my 'what if guy'.
Its horrible because it leaves me feeling so guilty and I haven't even done anything wrong.
I just reassure myself that the man Im with is the man I truely want to spend the rest of my life with. My fiance, my son and I are a happy little family and them two are what keeps me going whenever shit gets hard.
I also emailed my what if (we'd usually chat once a week. Just a how are you, whats happening chat) and explained that i could no longer speak to him. He fought me on it and i blocked him. I bump into him and we have small talk, but thats the only time i talk to him now.
Its more important to me to feel that im doing the right thing by my fiance, rather than reminicing and flirting with someone else.
Think about what it was you liked and made you spark with him (the compliments, how you were treated, passion, maybe youthful hormones and the sneaking around was exciting, your fling with him may have given you some sort of fun escape from a mundane relationship and family responsibilities). Create these in yourself and your current relationship instead. Get creative and fuel your relationship with the feelings and passion you enjoyed.
You and this guy really did hit it off, but you were both in the infatuation stage. Neither of you got to know each other in the commitment and real part of life and relationship. It's easy to be blindsided during the infatuation/fun stage, but for all you know, you could have dodge a bullet and a dud partner.
Delete him off facebook too. Somehow, while your partner forgave you, I don't think he would be happy with you being friends with him. This also makes it harder for you to move on. And if this other guy takes an interest in you (either because of the old spark or as an escape from the mundane or stress of his own life and marriage), you are only going to create a can of worm which everyone will get hurt.
The past is the past. Look around and remind yourself what you have now and appreciate it.