Hi IM's;
This is a long one but I will try and keep it short.
My partner and I have finally reunited after a few months apart since having our DS and I thought everything was all sunshine, lollipops & rainbows, until yesterday.
I've learnt in the past few weeks of us talking, of the women he had slept with, chatted up and all the rest of it. None of it bothered me, he was a single man, he was still committed to seeing our son too. Last week, I have found out 2 of the girls he slept with, is in fact pregnant. 1 he isn't too sure if it could be his and the second is definitely his though. Baby 1: she's definitely keeping it, and has gone back to her partner saying it's his and baby 2: had put us under the impression that she's going for an abortion. Yesterday we find out she wants to keep the baby. I for one am anti-abortion (given the circumstances though) but both these girls are set one having these babies, whereas my partner isn't as he wants to fully commit to me and our son. But knows in his heart he wants to be there for this other baby. I had always told him I'd support him no matter what, but now I'm not too sure on how to cope with everything? He has assured me several times that he wants me and only me. It's getting to me also as we have agreed that we won't be having another child together, that's really affecting me because I know I want another.
Anyone else been in a situation like this? Does it get messy before/after this baby is due? I know I don't need the added stress, and I definitely do not want to have another anxiety attack over all of this.
12 Replies
Honey, honey... This is too much! I'm sorry but this is not OK. Two other women pregnant. Please have yourself checked for STD's because it's clear he had no concerns for his health when he slept with these other women without protection. This may seem a little blunt and I don't mean it to be but honestly if you were the one he really wanted to be with he wouldn't be able to sleep with any other woman. He has nil respect for you whatsoever. You were only apart for a few months! Deep down you know this can't be OK. Even if he was single he had no thought for you :-( Find someone that will spend their time making you happy lovely. You are worth it!
Nope this is not ok. You should run now. How does a man get two women pregnant almost simultaneously? He clearly has no sense of responsibility because if he was a grown up he would have made sure neither of them got pregnant. I'm sorry, take this as a sign that this guy doesn't even vaguely have his shit together and RUN. He isn't in a position to have a relationship with anyone. And he obviously didn't use the time apart to mature, grow or work on himself!
Nope this is not ok. You should run now. How does a man get two women pregnant almost simultaneously? He clearly has no sense of responsibility because if he was a grown up he would have made sure neither of them got pregnant. I'm sorry, take this as a sign that this guy doesn't even vaguely have his shit together and RUN. He isn't in a position to have a relationship with anyone. And he obviously didn't use the time apart to mature, grow or work on himself!
First thing first do your self a favour and get a STD check. If he was genuin During the time you where apart he should have been doing everything he could to get you back. Instead he was running around sleeping with god knows how many women 2 of which have resulted in pregnancies. I dont see this situstion getting any easier i see it only getting alot worse. Lets just say both girls decide to keep the babies they will apply for child suport and all the rest. This is only going to add extra presure to your relationship and house hold. Personally i would be leaving.
Nope leave now. Don't put yourself through this, if he was serious about getting back with you he would not have created this situation... Twice!! It will kill you, it will defeat you and exhaust you. Imagine paying child support and everything else to support two extra children. You'll never afford to properly support adding another of your own with him.
It's hard but I'd say to save yourself a lot of hurt and heartache now because it'll be hard but it'll never be this easy for you to do it.
Hugs babe. You shouldnt have to deal with this. Your partner is a grown man and needs to take responsibility for his actions. He wont make another baby with you but is happy to make babies with 2 random hoes and then come home to put you at risk of stds! No way, not on! You deserve better and its alright to leave if you want to. Your partner can still be a great dad even if you are separated. Just think about the next 18 years of your life. Step parent to 2, dealing with bio mums. Your partner needing to pay child support for 2 aswell as providing for your own child. Yep no thanks. If your partner was serious about you and loved and wanted to only be with you whilst on this break then he wouldnt have been out sleeping with anything with 2 legs and a heartbeat. I dont think he is commited to you at all. Hugs xxx
Yeah I'd agree I'm one for trying to work things out if that's what makes you happy but honestly this is a game changer. He should have been more safe in relationships that clearly couldn't have been serious. This also affects you and your son if they are his children and the other women will have demands that will add extra stresses. Big hugs to you. I'd be very angry and feel like the rug had been ripped from under my feet. He can't guarantee they are his children I'd advise DNA testing. I'd consider how far these women's pregnancy are ? If they are well past theref first trimester and there is no looking back I think I'd walk.
Oh my goodness honey listen to what these ladies have said you need to be checked for STDs. Then run like hell this man is quick sand and he is going to ruin your life. I know it'll be hard to move on but you and your son deserve better. Best of luck.
Geez, how fertile is this guy???? Personally, i don't think i could stay with him. I also wonder why he risking having unproteted sex with flings.
In my 20's i went out with a guy and i was pregnant and we got the call that another girl was pregnant and we were due days apart, i ended up losing my baby, which was a blessing in disguise, i dodged that bullet, this guy has 7 babies to 5 mums, (though only see's 3 of the kids) and will probably keep doing the same, serial breeder! Reading the above just sounds so much like him! I would think long and hard about this if i were you...
Wow. Just wow. Your poor son growing up like that sharing his father with another and possibly a third family.
Sheesh, how judgemental can women be. This poor IM loves this man and is probably dealing with a broken heart and needs good advice. Why is everyone so pushy for an Std test, I'm sure she is not stupid and has already done so. Can you not tell by her writing this that she is looking for a way for it to work? Her thoughts are all over the place and she is looking for support and ideas on what is in store for her in the future.
As for what should be done next.
Don't count your chickens until they hatch. As you said, one May not be his. Prepare for worst case scenario, but you may find that you get off the hook with one of them. Don't get your hopes up, but don't rule it out. As for the women saying what kind of man is he having unprotected sex, umm he is a man, a man that knows sex is better without a condom, a man who could have been told that the woman he was sleeping with was on the pill, a man whose only bad decision was being attracted to women willing to put out and take the risk of falling pregnant. It takes two to tango, and those girls knew what they were getting into. Unfortunately this means they could be difficult to work with. We all make mistakes.
He said he wants to be there for you, and he probably does and if given the change will, but he is also allowed to be there for his other children, as long as he is not forcing you to cover the costs, and he is the one willing to work on providing for them/looking after them, then is there really a problem?
Yes it's a very different situation to what we all deem as conventional, but who said that this boy growing up with 2 siblings will not be good for him? I know so many people with half siblings who are not damaged by it. By best friends sister is 3 months younger and they are as thick as thieves.
If you are willing to forgive him for what he is done, then that is your choice and quite admirable of you as forgiveness is very hard. But you need to make sure that you are prepared to stick by him, and that he is prepared to stick by you when/if it all blows up because it is not going to be easy if you decide to stay.
Good luck to you, wanting what's best for you and your son is all that matters and I can see that you know that. I'm proud of you.
Two questions to ask yourself: if the situation was reversed, would he put himself through that to be with you?
When your kids are grown up enough to understand the timeline and figure out what happened, will you be prouder for them to know you stayed and lived with that, or to tell them you left.