Hi IM's
I am after advice on how to explain to my husband whom I love dearly and do not want to leave so please do not suggest that. I want to know how to explain to him that he is an alcoholic even though he only drinks at night every night and we are talking at least half a 1L bottle of spirit a night. How do I tell him he needs to stop for the sake of our children? He is drinking all our money away things are tight as it is and he is wasting more money.
A few years ago we had a huge falling out where he joined AA (to make me happy) and cut down on the drinking but not completely. He has the attitude of he doesn't care what people think and he can do whatever he wants, but he doesn't see how this affects us all. I know he is depressed but won't admit it or seek help and thinks talking to someone is a waste of time. He has trouble sleeping (I suspect from all the alcohol and soft drink he mixes it with) he hates work and will jusr not go sometimes because he is to hungover. I don't know what to do I know if this continues I will end up resenting him but I don't want that I want our marriage to work and I don't want to have to keep struggling week to week. I should add that I have tried explaining all the health issues but he doesn't seem to care HELP......
Husband is an Alcoholic in denial HELP
Husband is an Alcoholic in denial HELP
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Health & Wellbeing, Money
8 Replies
I would suggest talking to your , or even better, his doctor about your concerns. I was a long term heavy drinker & my health suffered terribly. He must feel like shit & its a vicious cycle, you feel like shit so you drink more.
If the Dr can suggest blood tests for something, it might be enough to kick him in the bum concerning his health because you can't hide an alcohol problem when the blood tests come back with low vit b levels & increased cholesterol plus a whole lot more of other health issues. He is slowing killing himself. Hearing it from someone else other than you may work.
Believe me, ppl close to you will know he has an alcohol problem.
Seek your own support as well, take care of yourself & your kids.
My dad only drank at night (not spirits but beer) and his liver failed and he passed away aged 49. Most of the time they will not see a doctor out of fear they will find something wrong and will have to stop drinking! He has to make the decision to stop unfortunately, alcohol is shit and I hate it and what it does to people!!
I think change your thinking about leaving. As long as that's off the table then you're willing to stay no matter what. Hear me out...
Leaving doesn't mean walking away, it means not accepting unacceptable things foe you and your kids. And in yoUr home. So, while he is not acting appropriately, being an alcoholic and everything that goes with that, you do not accept that that is Ok for you and in your home. This is also how you make sure he seriously gets help and changes and chooses to step up and earn his place in a healthy home And relationship with you. I'm sorry but from all of my experience, anything else and you'll just be dragged along and down while hes got the actual control of the situation and standard of treatment you receive. Change your thinking and it will happen, and if it doesn't then at least you won't be living with an alcoholic who won't change. GooD luck.
I agree.
As a long suffering alcoholic (have been since I was 13) I can assure you that you can not MAKE him see he has a problem. Only he can do that.
I know I have always had a problem with drinking although I don't drink as much as it seems you're hubby does. But I do still drink. I know from experience that if someone hassles me about my drinking I simply either hide it or walk away.
So really no advice but from a problem drinker this is something to think about.
Only he can decide to get help and only he can decide enough is enough.
I'm sorry to day but you either accept him for who he is or leave. He needs to want to help himself not just to please you. The more you nag him the more he'll sneak and hide it. You can't police him with this, it won't help and will cause you massive grief. He needs to want to change for himself. It's a disease!
My Dad was an amazing man who turned into an alcoholic. I realised when I was a teen. All my friends could ring their Dads for a lift home. I would ring Mum and ask how Dad is? Pretty soon the answer was always "Ring a Taxi" so I stopped calling. I found him asleep in the car at our local shops and took his keys out of the ignition so he couldn't drive when he woke. A kid shouldn't have to make that decision. After years of trying to talk to him about it. Taking him to get stitches when he fell in the shower or for casts on his broken bones from other falls. He left so he could drink.
Years passed and i never heard from my Dad again. He picked alcohol over me. I became a Mum, all I wanted was for my daughter to have a grandfather. Only a few months later i received a phone call. My Dad had died at 49 of pneumonia. If he was strong and healthy he would of survived.
Show him these comments. See if this is how he wants his children remembering him.
First of all, sending you big hugs mumma, as I know exactly how you feel. My hubby too is an alcoholic, drinking every night, and pretty much all weekend. He holds down a job, and works hard, and believes its his right to then "have a drink or two cos i enjoy it". If only one or two was enough. the hardest part for me is that when he isnt drinking, i love him to bits, we have fun together and he makes me laugh, but sadly it never lasts for long. When he is, most often i dont even want to talk to him cos he just irritates me just by being there, particularly if we've had a good day. Why does he have to ruin it every time??. My dad was an alcoholic too, much the same - high functioning at work, but at home, he would sit in his chair drink and occasionally start arguments with one of us just because he felt like it. He said lots mean things without thinking about and could never remember why we were so upset with him the next day . I keep remembering when I was 15 years old, i wished my dad would just die, so we (mum and I) could be happy. Im terrified that my daughter will one day see her father the same way I saw mine.Such an awful thing to think about anyone, let alone your dad. As your going through your battle, know I am there, holding your hand facing the same challenges. Im sorry I cant give you advice on what to do as that would make me a hypocrite, but know that your not the only one going through this. Stay strong for your babies and focus on showing them how amazing life is. xx