I just need to express my feelings here. I need you to hear me and listen and maybe if at least my sadness can help you or help you understand from my position.
I am phychologically being controlled and abused emotionally, verbally, financially. I am isolated and probably sexually and physically hurt aswell. Not beaten but hurt YES.
I have reached out so desperately to be supported and all I have been told is enless I am bruised and battered basically I should try harder. All I hear is ''TRY HARDER" I am trying!!! So hard. I didnt want to be here. This is never what I wanted in my future. I am broken and I have reached out for support to try and convince myself I can leave. I try to tell myself its ok. To only be told I need to "try harder" to make things work. I am sorry but I just dont want to be told that. I am a depressed mess. And because you tell me to try harder and I am trying it just makes me want to be beaten physically battered and bruised. I am sorry I am having a hard day. I just want someone to be there for me. Especially my family who are telling me to try harder. I want them to know I just sometimes wish he would kill me thats how badly I am hurting from his mental abuse and control. I am broken. Sorry I just want everyone to understand. I want him to see he needs help but he wont. I dont know how else I can try any HARDER!!
(Also seeing a phychologist and advocate)
10 Replies
Honey, your family are idiots! There is no trying harder, trying harder just gets you abused more. I hear you. Please speak to your GP because it sounds like you need a counsellor who can hopefully help you stand up to your partner and stand up to your family. What your family thinks doesn't matter one tiny amount, what matters is what YOU think. I'm hearing you, and I hope you get out soon.
I agree with the above comment... It is not your place to try harder! He is the one with the issue... Sorry but your family have not got a clue... They should be holding you up if you are feeling like this... How can they say that when you are screaming out for help? I am so sorry you are in this situation honey. Find someone -anyone that has been there and come out the other side... You need some good old fashioned love, care and support! :-(
Your family aren't experts.
Seek support from people who are much more experienced in family violence and make a plan.
You deserve the right to be your own person. X
Stop trying, your family don't live day to day with the abuse you endure. I would be taking steps to leave. Yes it's nice to keep a family together but also at the end of the day if your wish he would kill you your kids are picking up on this and the best thing for you and your kids is to leave. If you want someone to listen to or talk to pm me on fb Iam happy to listen.
I completely agree with the 1st post, your family are clueless! They are perpetuating the abuse by telling you to try harder. You know the truth and honey we are on your side, some people are not worth you effort and he is one of them! Use your energy for you not soaking up his venom. Sending strength x
Abuse is Abuse no matter what form it comes in, I know what it is like to walk around on eggshells every day (so to speak) No matter how hard you try nothing is going to be good enough for him.
Now I am not a man-hater, I have three sons whom I adore with all my heart but god help them if they turn out chauvinists like their father!! :)
Sometimes, the best thing to do is to ask for help outside your friend/family circle, as someone that is not involved in your life can give you a perfectly neutral point of view.
I found a place called the benevolent society was rather good when I was in your exact situation many years ago, best thing I ever did was leave my abusive partner for a better life for myself and my boys <3
I'm so sorry for your situation....my heart is a little broken on your behalf. I lived my entire childhood in a volatile household so I feel somewhat attached to your situation. Follow your gut instinct & do all you can to break free. You do not deserve to be emotionally abused. You deserve love, happiness & security. Learn to love yourself, trust yourself & do what is best for you. Please reach out & get the support you need. Do not try to help your partner; he alone is the only person who can do this. Have a plan in place to ensure your future is secure and comfortable. Wishing you all the best & please reach out to true support and do not let anyone influence the decision that is best for you.
Go and see centrelink or whatever it is called where you are. It's your first step to breaking free. Ask to speak to a social worker and they will put you in touch with people who will get you out ASAP. Leave, take your kids, all your fears will begin to dissolve. Get strong and go back to fight for what is yours when you have a bit of fight left in you. Trust me on this. I left 2 weeks ago, I'm now standing up for myself and my decisions against everyone that knew us as a couple as he is a sociopath/narcsssist who has the world charmed. I lived on an allowance put into a joint acc he could track where every cent went, put me down every day by telling me how worthless and how little I contribute to the world. When we had children he went out and made something of himself while I raised the children at home in a country foreign to me. I'm now in Aus with no family and no way of returning home. He used it against me for the whole relationship. I knew it was wrong but when he was nice it was amazing, when he was nasty it was earth shattering. The final call for me was on my dead dad's birthday I always feel sad, this year I had found a lump in my boob.(he knew both things) So I was doubly feeling down and troubled so was quite quiet thinking about what would happen if it was cancer. He handed me the mail and when he didn't hear me say thank you he told me I was being a cunt. That was it for me.
Believe me when I tell you in January this year I didn't think I could go on. Monday morning you get down there, start growing your back bone back - he does not own you! You are more than this!!!
I am now 47, I don't want you to try harder as I know you have given this relationship everything you have,I hid the abuse and the bruises, please take on your thoughts and do what you feel is right for you in this stage of your life.. So wish I could hug you xx
This was me 10 months ago. I didn't want to leave for the kids, as I knew he loved them. One day he threatened to kill a whole church congregation and myself and I knew I had to leave.
It is the best thing I have done but by no means easy. I did get an AVO. However he is continues the emotional abuse through the kids. My son has had a hard time and ended up being hurt by my husband.
I don't feel like there is much support out there. People dismiss the abuse because he didn't hit you. What has he actually done to you? However I agree with other comments where I wish he had hit me rather then the wall, as then people would understand how I feel inside.
It's not easy and he will make your life a living hell when you leave. But you can be strong!! You can do it for your kids as they need to know it's not okay to treat someone like he does.
All the best.