So my partner an I had planned to move down south in the next couple of months. I had begged him to stay another 6months for us to live together before I move so far away with him. He agreed so we have been living together and everything is great. Until about 2weeks ago I took a pregnancy test for piece of mind after I had the bar put in. Came up possitive. Did a second one and the same result but on a clear blue 3+ weeks. I've had bloods done we are defiantly pregnant. Just over 7weeks now. My partner is not ready for this (as no one is I no) but he's really freakin out. I new how he was feeling but hoping t will all go away when things progress. Now I'm not so sure. I don't no if I want to move now at least until after Bub is born. My mum is here, yes she could come down but then I don't get to have my whole pregnancy with her. That's the only thing wanting to keep me here. Last night my partner told me he's going when we agreed with or without me. He hates it here and he feels he never gets his way e.g we stayed cause I asked and now we're having a baby he doesn't want. I no they are harsh words but I also know he's is loosing it he's having so much trouble with the fact this is happening.
Now my question is do I continued with what I promised and move and just ask mum to come down, knowing that he'll still possibly be in happy because there is still a baby on its way or do I let him go on his own and know he'll be happy down there.
I can't imagine my life without him and I know he loves me or though it may seem like he isn't showing it so much atm. But I can see he is depressed and doesn't have an outlet for it.
Please don't go slamming him he's only trying to sort everything out. And I know for sure he loves me. I just can't go through with getting rid of a baby so he's happy.
5 Replies
You aren't ready to have this kind if relationship if your main concern is having your mother there for you, over your partner. Your first concern (if this guy is the one) is keeping your new family together.
Don't move you and he are not even vaguely ready to raise this baby together and support each other through this pregnancy.
Agree, you need your mum, he won't support you he's more Concerned with having his way and have you noticed what he wants doesn't include consideration of being with you and having what you need in this situation too? Plans need to adapt for your families situation. That is what a real partner would consider and you would be happy together. He wants for himself, he's depressed having to compromise what he wants with what you ( his family) need at this time. It's not a good idea to follow him, stay where your support is, you'll need them now. By the way emotional stress and unhappiness can have a massive influenc. On your pregnancy and post birth experience, be really careful not to put up with ongoing stress an. Unhappiness.
I think the above comments are a little harsh. He is clearly freaking out over something neither of you expected.
If you both love each other the way you say, he will come around eventually. If he is adamant about moving when you agreed to, maybe you could suggest that you stay with your mum at least until your first antenatal appointment at the hospital so you know everything is fine with you and bub and that way you'll be in your second trimester which is normally the best time for travel. Maybe a couple of weeks apart will help him calm down and focus a bit better.
That's assuming that suggestion works within your timeline of moving etc.
I am a full believer that if you truly love someone, you can make it through anything - even an unplanned pregnancy and move. But you need to speak to him and find out what page he's on. Obviously if he's seriously reconsidering your relationship now then I wouldn't move, but if you guys love each other, work on it! Talk, communicate! If you don't do that now, you won't last later down the track.
Don't go with him. Let him go. He's made it clear that he's not ready for this baby. If you go with him you lose all of your support and once baby is born you are reliant on him - being a new parent is hard, and is even harder when you're stuck like that. If you stay and be a single mum you still have family support.
"And now we're having a baby he didn't want"... I'm sorry his and your baby is not a dog. It takes two to tango sweetheart. Where ever you each decide to live - together or apart - he has a child coming into the world that he will be 50% responsible for, for LIFE. This is a stressful time but it's time you both grew up. Start a serious conversation now, and if you can, agree to have a councellor help you both work through a plan for the future. You can both do this, couples across the ages have before you :) Good luck little mumma and dadda