Need some helpful advice please
Ive been in a relationship with a man suffering from mental illness for five years now, on and off. Latest he got diagnosed with is bipolar. Long term sufferer of depression and anxiety.
Basically the behaviour gets so bad i have to leave. Or get him to leave.
He has gotten violent in past, hes been physically and verbally abusive and he's lied to me in the past about money and chatting up women on the internet and about previous sexual stds and partners.
He has sought alot of help with counselling and meds since ive been with him and even though his behaviour is much better then it was the scars of his past inappropriate behaviour is really hard to get over. Its always there in back of my mind what he's capable of doing.
I have recently seperated from him again (due to us being miserable and his inappropriate behaviour frightening our girls jumping half out of the car screaming while i was driving him and the girls around ).
The problem is i have two girls ( one is 4, one is 16 months)
They adore their dad and ive been trying to allow them to see them as much as possible. So he has been visiting most days for an hour or two, and its really heartbreaking too see him and see my girls want to be around him more.
I constantly worry im doing the wrong thing by them by leaving him as hes improved his behaviour alot and i feel like hes cheating ways doesnt affect them only me.
He has been staying with family but now needs me to break our lease to find his own place.
We also have a lot of debt as he hasn't been able to work our entire relationship. When he moves out hes said he can no longer give me the $100 a month i was getting from him for child support and we will both more then likely go bunkrupt and homeless if we try and live seperately like i wanted to (due to his mental health going downhill whenever he starts living with us).
I am really lost. My head is spinning and making the decision is so hard. As i do love him and there has also been alot of good. And i feel like im letting him down with his illness and if i had cancer or something i think he would support me through that.
How do i cope financially if i go ahead with this is a big question?
I have no family support other then his family.
(My mum died when i was 12).
I know i have no one to blame but myself for getting in this situation, following my heart and not my head
but where do i go from here?
2 Replies
You definitely need to go separate ways. It's ok to save yourself and your girls. That's what you should do. That's the right thing to do. I have mental illness and I'm saying it's ok to look after yourself.
Yes you will have a change of lifestyle but you can afford to live. You may have to move suburbs, down size etc. but I'd rather live in a one bedroom unit than live in an unhappy relationship. Girls can share the bedroom, you on a sofa bed or all 3 in the bedroom. It can be done and won't be forever. It's just until you get back on your feet.
You can survive without his child support.
You need to go see a financial counsellor (they are often free) they can negotiate with banks etc and help ease the pressure.
You also need to speak to a DV support line. They can help you sort a lot of this stuff out.
Get yourself a counsellor who can help guide you and help you talk these issues out with.
Hi I would recommend you contact your local womens shelter/resource centre.
They are really lovely there and will help with this situation greatly.
Just explain your situation to them and they will invite you in and get you an advocate who will help you with your decisions. Sounds like you are very alone. you deserve and your kids to be happy and feel safe.
I am in an abusive relationship and it was so hard going there. but they are supportive and help you at your own pace. My kids get to speak to someone. Its actually affecting them more than I thought it was. :( glad I am getting onto that now.
Best of luck. Msg here if u want to chat.xx happy to answer any questions.