I am 25 with 2 kids, separated from there dad they currently stay with him 2 nights a week. I'm now in a relationship with a wonderful ambitious and like minded guy.. The problem is he's just informed me that he's been offered a job in America. He has declined this because of our relationship. I'm flattered but at the same time it's something that he wants to do an shouldn't hold back. Which got the conversation going about that fact that yes it's something he'd like to do in the close future where talking 6 months or a year down the line. And then got us talking about if we are still rocking it what would happen. Is there any point us carrying on? Or would there be an option for me to go? And it's really got me thinking a lot.. I am a mum, I am also a person. It would be for 3 years max. I know I basicat have 3 options 1. Not go 2. Go with the kids 3. Go without the kids allow them to live with there dad an his fiancé for that time travelling back monthly to see them an school holidays etc them coming to me ( they are 4 and 2 currently )
Please no harsh comments at all, I know what opinions will be..I guess I just feel as though after all my past relationships have been I deserve happiness. This isn't leaving my kids for a guy.. It's the opportunity
Moving with kids please no nastiness
Moving with kids please no nastiness
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Parenthood Guilt
4 Replies
At three years maximum I can't see why your husband would deny your kids the opportunity to live overseas with you. Be reasonable, look into bringing them home for a few visits and have them available for emailing pics and if they're old enough they can skype daddy regularly. I hope this works out for you as it seems like a good opportunity for your family.
You've both obviously moved on so your ex probably has hopes, dreams & plans with his new partner as well so may understand but I think you should talk to him openly and calmly and discuss the options with him now for 6 - 12mths away so you can allow time for any initial shock/anger to wear off (if there's any) and come to a calm, rational compromise. I also think you should probably bring it up fairly assertively - ie don't make it sound like you've made up your mind already, make it clear you're talking to him to explore all options.
You're a mum but you're also a person too and quite a young one at that so I don't think you should rule out going with or without the kids. I guess apart from what your ex partner wants to do, it also depends on ability to pay for the return flights back and forth if that's what you want to do and ability to live without them for an extended period of time which are probably all going to factor into what you lean towards wanting to do. I also think it would be an amazing experience for the kids to get to experience living in another country, not to mention their dad may even want to come and visit them and take them on a holiday (who doesn't want to take their kids to Disneyland?) too so I think there are a heap of options and the fact that your new partner would even say no because of you probably shows that he's in it for the long haul!
Good luck, just think how you will feel during and after the 3 years also how hour kids will feel, do you think they will understand or feel abandoned? Not saying they will be they may feel it, will you feel guilty missing first days at school and performances? Soccer or dancing? Also how would you feel if their father moved away would you feel like you got the raw deal regarding help and support? I think it's important for mums to feel happy 100% so I hope you find a perfect fit for your family not just yourself good luck x
Hi, I personally wouldn't go with the kids, or leave the kids behind. If you go with the kids you take away their bond with their father, even three years would make a huge difference, there are no guarantees that your new man would treat your kids the way you want them treated once you got overseas, and your children would miss their father, and it may change their relationship with him forever. I wouldn't leave the kids behind either because even if they are old enough to know they are not being abandoned they may still feel that way deep down, which may not surface again until they are much older. Your children are your children forever unconditionally, whereas your new relationship may not stand the test of time. I think in the long run you would regret option 2 and 3. Wait till your children are independent and then go a live overseas. Good luck with whatever decision you make.