My partner and I have been together for over 6 years and have three children. It's been a rocky ride but I do love him, which is what makes it all so hard.
I don't have family or friends here, besides my dad, so all my support are my partners family. I don't drive, I don't work, I'm a full time mum to my three babies. I rely heavily on my partner, for taking us out, and for helping me out, but it's lacking in that area.
He doesn't work, he's got depression and won't seek help, I've even made his appointments but he refused to go. He is a video game addict, he is a pot smoking addict and has been for 4 years, he's a compulsive liar, he stays up all night and sleeps until after midday everyday no matter how many times I try to wake him. Lately I've given up because it's too stressful, and energy that I can use to clean and cook. Despite all of this I love him. He's nice, he plays great with the kids, he goes out and shops for us when I can't go out. When he's angry he is violent, breaks things, punches the walls, he screams, slams doors, basically has tantrums when he doesn't get his way. I've tried breaking up with him and he says he is going to commit suicide. The last time was last week, and now I am too scared to even talk to him about anything that isn't happy and good. I don't even want to say "hey can you get up earlier than 2pm because I'd like some help with our children"
In case he turns around and says I'm the problem, which he does because I don't feel like having sex anymore. Why would I?
Despite ALL of this, I love him. I can't imagine not being with him. I don't want to break his heart and ruin his life, I don't want him to kill himself and have to live with it for ever. I can't go and live with my family and friends because it's not fair on my kids who love their dads family so much.
I'm stuck. I feel sick everyday and don't feel like I'm ever going to be free no matter what I decide to do.
What would YOU do?
3 Replies
You wouldn't be ruining his life by leaving HE is the one that is ruining his life, yours and the children's lives every day! What he does when you leave isn't your problem and is usually just empty threats to scare you into staying, it's a way to control you and guilt you to stay.
I'd be getting myself some counselling and educating myself on domestic violence. I would start to make a plan to leave safely. I'd be contacting centrelink, domestic violence support services etc and finding out what help is available and then running as fast as I could away from that situation. You deserve better and your kids deserve better!
Me personally, I would leave! Its not fair on your kids to be around stuff like that! Can you talk to his parents or family about any of this? If you really think he would kill himself after you left then call an ambo or someone to check on him! He is abusive! Putting that on your shoulders is abuse! He might play great with the kids, but sleeping till noon, smoking pot and playing videos isn't being a good dad! If he needs help, help him...doesn't mean you should put yourself or your kids at risk by staying! Help him from a far. The worst thing I have ever done in my life was stay with a person who wasn't right for me! Sounds like this person isn't right for you! (Solely based on this post, who knows you could be soul mates, but he needs to be out of this rut and dysfunction before you can truly know) good luck! You can do it!
He is abusive... lazy and manipulative! This is domestic violence. Leave it will escalate.xx contact your local dv shelter and ask to speak with an advocate. They just chat with you and help you with everything you need at your own pace. They are lovely and dont let him know xx