Sorry in advance for massive post!
I am a 26yo mother to a 15 month old baby girl and stepmum to 2 gorgeous boys (11 & 9) that we have week on/week off. We have a happy, healthy household a fact which I am thankful for every single day. On that note, the question of baby #2 (from our marriage) is starting to get raised and this has become a bit of a sticking point for us. Hubby is really keen for to start trying but I am holding back because part of me is really scared of the changes it will bring to our household and relationship between my husband and I. I am so in love with my husband and I feel as though we have a perfect balance of family & personal time. On the same note, I absolutely love being a mum and it's so hard to even imagine that I could possibly even have any love in me left to give.
I guess what I am hoping for is to hear from other mothers who have decided to make the jump from 1 bubba to 2. What sort of impact did it have on the dynamic of your relationship and that of the other children in the house? Do you feel as though it has had a negative impact on your relationship with your husband?
I am torn because I see how much my little girl loves the week that we have the boys and she adores her big brothers. I feel like it is doing her a disservice by not giving her a sibling closer to her age. On the flip side though, the week she is on her own with just mum and dad she adores her one on one time and I feel like I'm a better parent because I have so much more time to give to her without the distractions of homework & football training etc. We seem to have struck a perfect balance for our life at the moment.
I know that it may sound like a selfish thing to say but it is equally as important to me that I have a loving, happy, long lasting marriage. I guess I have this fear because a lot of family and friends we have seen go through separations seem to have run into troubles after baby #2.
Any opinions, advice or suggestions would be so very appreciated. I've reread this post a few times and I apologise for the parts that seem selfish. I absolutely love being a mum and I know for a fact that if the time comes along when bubba #2 is on his/her way I will be nothing but happy, excited and full of love. I guess it's the fear of the unknown more than anything!
3 Replies
My opinion so far, and I'm pregnant not yet actually tackling that exhaustion and reality, but so far a second baby with a good relationship can be beautiful and enjoyable and it's so beautiful having older sibling involved.
I understand what you're feeling though, and I think you still have a lot of time to decide and fall pregnant and the two young ones will still be close. If you're happy with things as theY are, enjoy it!
Firstly it wouldn't be going from baby 1 to baby 2 it's going from baby 3 to baby 4, which would freak me out too. Baby 4 means you have 4 kids to transport, shop for, clean after etc. also the expenses for children go up as they age. Plus having a sibling close in age is no guarantee of them getting along or being friends. I know siblings who are enemies and have always been!
I think a lot more people could learn from your thinking. We HAVE to nurture the relationships we have. Our marriages need time, and shouldn't be pushed to the side to make babies. Now I also think your only 26, so there is plenty of time, you've probably got 10 years to decide if another one is a good for you.
Also Mr 11 is going to be hitting the teenage years very soon which is a whole nother world of pain, hormones, wet dreams, boundary pushing! It wasn't my favourite stage lol
Anyway I think explain how you feel. It is not selfish to like your family as it is, it's bloody smart!
I'm a step mum to a 15 year old boy, I was 20 when I started I'm now 28, I went on to have 3 kids after him.
Honestly? It's a right hard job, and my step son wasn't pleased when we announced baby number 2, baby number 3 he cried and cried.
The youngest is now 3 and we are all so close, the3 little ones (I say little but they are 7, 6 & 3) are such a treasure on the week their big brother isn't home, they love each other so much, and on the wrk he is our family is just so complete its perfect. We have a small house where the girls share 1 room the boys share the other. But at one point all were in the 1 room! Their relationships are so close.
No one can force you to have a 2nd child but honestly, in our situation it was the best decision we could make :)