hello all, I am a step mother to an amazing girl who starts high school the next year at a private school and the discussion with my partner and her mother has come up about paying for the costs. he pays his child support with out issue (has a full time job it comes out automatically), but she is asking for at least half of the fees and assistance with the books. we have already stated that we would buy the mandatory laptop and provide uniforms for both households, but this is getting beyond a joke. we are living off one income at the moment and have three children together, where she has a job, is married with 1 child, her husband works and they receive centrelink benefits...it works out that if we do what she asks she pays $100 and us at least $5000 I just don't know what to do without causing a fight. we have had a good relationship, no harsh words and joint family birthday parties for my step daughter.... I feel this may be the beginning of the end.. has anyone been through this?
8 Replies
I think what you's have already agreed upon is above fair
Just reposted on the facebook site too and hope it helps. x
Anything school related should be 50/50. So take the child support out of the equation, that is for day to day living expenses.
Work out how much the laptop and school uniforms are, add in the school fees, book fees, sporting etc anything school related, and divide by 2. Either the mother will see you are paying more than you fair share with your offer, or you will see that in actual fact you need to be paying more to make it fare.
The worst thing you can do about it is get your back up and create an issue about this. It doesn't matter that both the mother and father have remarried, and you think they have more money, receive benefits, etc. This child, is both of their responsibility financially.
I've recently gone through the dramas of child support. Its food "food accommodation & entertainment expenses" to equalise the children life over both houses. It doesn't count school fee, daycare or major medical.
My ex is reluctant to come to the party. With 2 infant children - my day care (out of pocket) fees are $26k per year & his child support is only $8k me having them full time. This of course drops when overnights commence. He only wants weekend where he is not reponsible for daycare. With 2 under 2 I've a few years left of these hefty fees. Mind you. I have to provide food and clothing for the time they are in HIS care.
I take the view. What if there is 50:50 care on a week about parenting basis. Thereby both parents have same level of care. Who gets the account for child care/ school fees? If you presume both parents earn the same and no CS changes hands.
In that case you may say half is warranted for both parties. So now the kids are in on parents full care and the paying parent is assessed at child support (in my case equivalent of half the private schoolm fees) - suddenly it doesn't cost anything to accommodate & feed the child/ren.
The CSA system doesn't automatically factor in private school as it would be unfair to parents who honestly can't afford this. However if both parents decided on private school - both sshluld be responsible for the fees.
Unfortunately you may have other kids, but you were aware of this child and the child's circumstance when you had children. This should have been factored in your decision.
If this helps, we are 50/50 with my 13 yr old step son, he goes to a private school by our choice (and hers in the beginning too) She is required to pay us child support, though she doesnt. We pay full school fees, she buys the uniform required for a week as he is with her a full week of school, and we pay for the uniform for our place. She has said now if we ask her to pay any school fees she will remove him from the school and take him to a public school.
I personally do believe since they made the decision for him to be in the school she should be paying 50% of the school fees.
So 50% school fees is not unfair to ask, I'm assumming also in your situation the child support being paid is paying for school fees by them?
Half half for the fees, buy the uniforms for your house and make an appt with the school. If it's anything like my sons you'll find excursions, books and IT (laptop or ipad depending on the school) will be billed in the fees as well. If anything was required over the "half fees" it would probably be half of any sport costs, extra-curricular activities or transport from your place to school and back. The way I saw it (I'm not separated either) was that I chose to send our son to a private school instead of the local public school, therefore I pay all of the fees myself.
We have 50/50 custody of my stepdaughter, so no one pays any child support. Anything school related we go 50/50 except uniforms we have ours here her mum has her own for her place.
Have you signed the enrollment and both agreed on the school? Usually if you sign the enrollment there is section about payment and you both allocate if its 50/50 of just BM or Bd paying the total. My advice is don't pay extra unless you have already agreed 50/50. We pay a lot in child support so don't pay school fees as 2 months of our child support pays half of school fees. We didn't get to choose the school anyway even though we have a court order stating that we have shared responsibility etc; good luck with it all.