Hi IM's,
I think this is more of a rant then a question. My ex and I split around 6 months ago and ever since he comes to our home to see the kids. He comes twice a week (mid week) and is only here for 3-4 hours. He spends more time playing with an electronic device then actually spending the time with the kids. I have absolutely NO down time from our children (two under 4yrs) as he doesn't take them on the weekend (doesn't offer) and when I ask hes either too busy of frankly doesn't want to spend time with the kids.
I have in the past questioned whether he wants to be a father to be told yes but his actions say otherwise. I don't have many friend or family here and when I do ask for help I feel like their saying yes because its easier then saying no. My ex is not in a position to take the kids every second weekend due to living arrangements (I have asked many a times) so I dont know what to do about being able to get some me time where I am not having to constantly leave my own home to do so.
I get questioned as to why I'd want to go to the movies by myself or dinner (heaven forbit)!! Any tips/advise from other mums who have or are in this position.
4 Replies
I think the issue may be resolved if you stopped him from coming over... My daughters were younger than your children and my ex knew there was no hanging out with me so would pick the girls up and drop them off a few hours later... I totally get you wanting some down time. Even if it's a few hours it's gold! (Except the first few times... You'll miss them like crazy but you'll eventually get over that lol!)
My question is why don't you have a parenting agreement in place?
Stop letting him come to your place, take him to mediation to sort out your parebting plan properly. That way you can get it set in stone and start to move on properly rather than him treating your place as his place!
It will force him to step up or piss off :)
its not fair, and he is not pulling his weight as a parent AT ALL! what does he think being a father actually means??
i can really understand you not wanting to force him to have your kids though as thats not really fair to you or the kids.
my advice is talk to him about it, really get him to understand that you are not happy with his 'parenting' and ask him if he thinks hes a good father. if he doesnt want to help look after them or raise them then he better be paying you full child support!!
as for you needing downtime (which you totally do need) could you ask around for a recommended babysitter, maybe a mum or a mature teen looking for some cash. it could just be for a few hours one afternoon.
alternatively, if you could afford it, preschool, daycare, or home daycare would be a godsend for you to just have a day to clear your head
I agree with the other posters. You have to stop him coming over. You'll never move in if you let him pull all the strings! Go to Relationships Australia and organise mediation and set up some plans. If he chooses not to be a good dad that won't be your fault.