Hello IM's, I'm chasing advice from the ladies with partners that have the emotional range of a teaspoon.
I love my partner, we have been together 4 years this year, mostly via long distance (though it always will be due to him working in the mining industry) We have recently made plans to change our living circumstances with me moving to another state for us to be together. He initiated this which made me thrilled. He is amazing with my son, a wonderful person, charming, good looking and has the same passions as I do.
What's the problem? Well he is emotionally weird. He doesn't say "I love you" first...ever, and it's sporadic as to when he says it back. He doesn't complement me, he doesn't start sex anymore, he's not affectionate and never has been, he kisses me when we say goodbye that is the limit of affection. He came up for mine and my sons birthday, he didn't do anything for my birthday again. He did however make a fantastic fuss over my sons birthday which was great. I try very hard to look nice for him but he never notices, he never tells me he misses me when it's been weeks since we last saw each other etc It is starting to really ruin my self esteem (the small amount I had left after my previous abusive relationship) I feel unwanted, I feel unattractive, sometimes I wonder if he just settled for me or if I was just the easy option. I find myself depressed and wondering what's wrong with me. I have tried to talk with him before about it, his reason is always the same "I'm not a romantic person"
Am I being ridiculous? Should I just get over this? Please be kind with your responses, I'm fragile right now and before anyone says get some help, I have sought counselling for my self esteem issues.
6 Replies
Honey, you deserve better. This isn't the man for you. Do not move to be with him. Stay where you are and move on. You deserve the whole package. Moving to him will just make you feel worse.
Some people just aren't like this! I'm like him I just don't like to tell people like "miss you heaps!" Doesn't mean I don't miss them. If you're not satisfied then break it off, he won't change
Find better. Dont move. Find what you want and what makes you happy because he doesn't.
you're seeking help for your self esteem but youre sharing your life with a man who is breaking your self esteem. The first step in helping yourself is to get rid of the cause.
I know you see it all the time but I mean it when I say I could have written something very similar to this,
Honestly my partner is just not a romantic or emotional person, there's nothing wrong with our relationship and I am by far one emotionally loud person lol
I knew he was this way before we officially got together, and it's something I've adjusted to and accepted.
Some men are just like that! And there is nothing wrong with it what so ever, but if the love and affection and emotional "loudness" is something you need, then you need to be with someone that can give that to you.
From first hand experience, trying to get him to change won't work, because that's how he would express himself and how he would be comfortable being.
I guess when it comes down to it you need to decide if you can accept the way he is, or if you need more from a partner. There's no point being unhappy! It maybe as easy as sitting him down and just telling him how you feel, it may be that he need's to know you feel this way to open up a little more and make an effort himself.
Personally I wouldn't just up and leave, there's no harm in having a serious conversation about it and being able to talk about how it makes you feel, because he may just not realise it or understand it.
Hope it all work's out and you can have your confidence and happiness back IM x
Im probably the female version of this man, and my advice would be that if this isnt enough for you and you would like more out of a relationship then its time to move on. As some people are just not affectionate and it truly has nothing to do with you. I can totally understand you needing more, so have an honest chat with him and tell him what you need. If it still doesnt change then you either accept it or move on
Sounds like my partner, it doesn't get better, google narcissist. Or even cerebral narcissist. I hope I'm way of the mark, but you sound like me a couple of years ago. I felt like you, as time has gone on, its gotten worse. Nothing is wrong with you its them, they cannot love, my partner is apparently completely happy in our relationship, whilst I'm sad, alone and empty, he doesn't even notice. I am planning to leave, I can't live like this much longer its torture.