Help me please I'm at such a loss of what to do. I've been split with my partner of 3 years for a few months now. We never had a fantastic relationship due to his drinking problems and his refusal to grow up I suppose would be a good way to put it.
We have a 2 year old son together. And myself and my son have moved 6 hours away, and his father doesn't see him often, but it's not lack of trying to organise it. I try very hard to make it work. But His father is always intoxicated when I try and contact him.
I recently just drove the 6 hours myself so he could spend time with his son, and even asked if he could have him overnight for the two nights we are in town for. But he refuses as the show is in town and apparently he has plans "to drink"
I suppose my question is, should I bother making the effort to have him involved in his sons life or not?
If it wasn't for my trying I suppose they wouldn't see eachother.
I feel so sad for my son, having come from a split family myself. It breaks my heart. What do I do?
Should I keep trying to make my child's father apart of his life?
Should I keep trying to make my child's father apart of his life?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Kids
4 Replies
I personally would stop trying. I would start waiting for him to involve himself. His priorities are not with his child and that can do more harm to your son.
In the meantime make sure you go through the mediation process to formalise the care arrangements. He probably won't show up to mediation but at least you have tried!
I would stop trying. When I left my kids dad I did nothing but concentrate on me and her. I didn't force his relationship, I had learnt that it didn't work while we were together and sent him packing. I left it completely up to him, I replied to texts, answered calls and opened Skype when requested. Ie I facilitated but it was all on his terms. I really think it's healthier to have one committed present parent. I believe it's really harmful to have a parent who who is parenting half assly or carelessly, it's so much more hurtful. Its easier for you too, to build them up strong to learn what real love is and value themselves.
I can understand you feeling bad for your son, but when it comes down to it his father is a grown man. If he wants to see his son, he should be getting off his ass and making an effort himself.
One day it will click and he will realise what he has missed out on, and you will be able to reflect on the unlimited time you have had with your son to create amazing memories.
Until he realises and decides to make an effort, just be happy with your son, allow his father to see him obviously although only when he initiates it, when he drives the 6 hours to see him.
I know just how you feel with my daughters father. He always picked drinking over time with her. I did every thing in my power for him to see her and would drive hours on end to him only for him to message me 5 mins before hand that something has come up. I tried so hard for 4 years and then I just stop and waited for him to grow up. Which I'm still doing, he will message saying he wants to see her but then when it's time something always comes up so I don't even make the plans with him anymore. My daughter is a lot older now but still doesn't understand why and it's heartbreaking. All you can do is be there for your son when the time comes that he asks about his father and help him through it xxx