Ahhhh I need advice.
Ok so where do I start... My husband has 2 beautiful girls aged 9 i also have 2 beautiful little girls aged 9 and 7 and I'm currently pregnant with baby number five.
My husband's daughter is sometimes a nightmare. She does nothing but lie, steal and manipulate everyone and everything. She has stolen money from her sister and dad. Toys from my 7 year old food from people's lunch boxes at school ( her lunch box along with the other kids is always full so she can't be hungry) other kids pencils, sharpeners rulers you name it if she can take it she will. The lying is out of control. She has lied about boys touching her, lied about people hitting her and will tell her mother and father absolute lies about the other parent just to get mum/dad worked up and angry. She has recently told her mum that I bash her with rolling pins, metal spoons and cords. (none of which has happened) she has told us she doesn't want her father and I together and she doesn't want the baby to come.
We have taken her to a psychiatrist and have done for 12 + months but it's getting no where and even they are a little confused because she doesn't miss behave just flat out lieS. When hubby and I got together we got along great. Once we married she turned into a nightmare. She will antagonize her twin sister and step sisters, she will make up lies about them to get them in trouble and she will just be a down right little cow to them.
I've tried everything, 1 on 1 time, removing things she likes, like the iPad, colouring stuff toys you name it we've done it. Hubby and I are at our wits end. We don't know what else to do. We are worried her lies will affect the other kids.
We do have full custody of them so they are with us most of the time. She will do anything to make me angry and then smirk at me about it. Then when her father comes home she pretends she is a perfect angel. (hubby knows she isn't because I've videod it and showed him). I know this sounds bad but every morning I wake up I feel sick because I know she is going to create more shit and I'm starting to hate her. Hubbies other daughter is amazing. Will do as she is asked and doesn't cause any trouble. The three of them get on well all the time.
So please mum's help. How do we stop this behavior before it gets to far out of hand.
Please no judgement. I already hate myself for feeling this way towards her.
4 Replies
start a behaviour chart for all kids. age appropriate. then give her LOTS to do! house hold chores, games, writing, fiction and non fiction etc.
Then for every thing achieved, giver her a star or sticker. at the end of the chart take them shopping to choose. 1 on 1. it'll keep her busy and focused. keep her distracted with a purpose. i think giving her a journal and a story book will help. Get her to write stories that are both fiction and non fiction and have her read them to at bed time, or you can read them to her as a bed time story. Her writing might show you what she's thinking and why. Good luck! its hard but you'll get through it
What assessments has she had done for specific psychological/neurological disorders?
I would try a knew psychologist or psychiatrist and paediatrician as the old ones should have gotten to the bottom of it by now.
I would absolutely give loads of attention for the truth. It's possible she doesn't distinguish between good and bad attention. So is praise the shit out of her for doing the smallest things right! I'd ignore the bad stuff and under react as much as you can.
Good suggestions especially the book, I'd also suggest coming up with a standard line response for when she lies like 'thats nice dear' meanwhile keep doing what your doing and completely ignore her. The lies will probably grow to start for more attention but when she learns she gets no response or is humiliated by it she'll stop
I just wanted you to keep in mind not to compare her to her sisters. Every child/person is different and responds to things in their own way. I think maybe it would be good to come up with something that gives her a bit of responsibility, and makes her feel important and in control of. Don't ever give up on her. I hope she grows out of it. Keep the love flowing x