Emotionless? Is there something wrong with me?
I have a terrible relationship with my mother. It is only ever good for a short period of time before she starts an arguement, and thats when I tip toe around her, i have to be careful with how I speak to her, text her and the frequency in which I do so. She always talks down to me and if I stick up for myself she says I blame her for everything and ignores me. If I dont apologize first she acts like I am the terrible one. She plays mind games when i suits her and she is the only member of my family that talks to me. Everyone else hates me and wont include me in any family events. My mum will always attend these events and never confronts the family about their exclusion. To make it worse I was molested by a family member for about 10 years of my childhood, my family knows this, yet they continue to treat me the way I do, my mother even forced me to live with my abuser like nothing happened after I came out and told everyone.. I am tired of trying and being treated this way. When I am ignored i wonder if I died, if any would attend my funeral or feel regret. But then I wonder if they died, including my mother and I am not sad. Nor do I care, i see it as a bump in the road. How am I aware or such hatred, yet able to not do anything about it? Am I a psycho?
No emotion but hatred.
No emotion but hatred.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health
13 Replies
I think it's natural to want a relationship with your family but when your family is so toxic it is unhealthy to maintain that relationship it creates confusion and exhaustion for you.
It's time to move on from your family including your mum, that might be scary for you but it just isn't healthy to even try to maintain this relationship.
If you haven't already done so, go speak to your GP and get counselling, or see a psychologist. You are not psycho just a victim of an extremely toxic family, and you need help to let them go, and learn to live your life without needing there approval or them in your life. Because they will not change there behaviour or attitude no matter how wrong or awful.
The only people we can control is ourselves.
I hope you find some peace soon
What was said in first post is great!! See gp get counselling psychologist are covered by Medicare. And remove these people from your life. We choice who we have in our lives I choose to only surround myself in good people! U can choose that too.. Just because they are blood doesn't mean they have to be in your life.
What was said in first post is great!! See gp get counselling psychologist are covered by Medicare. And remove these people from your life. We choice who we have in our lives I choose to only surround myself in good people! U can choose that too.. Just because they are blood doesn't mean they have to be in your life.
What was said in first post is great!! See gp get counselling psychologist are covered by Medicare. And remove these people from your life. We choice who we have in our lives I choose to only surround myself in good people! U can choose that too.. Just because they are blood doesn't mean they have to be in your life.
What was said in first post is great!! See gp get counselling psychologist are covered by Medicare. And remove these people from your life. We choice who we have in our lives I choose to only surround myself in good people! U can choose that too.. Just because they are blood doesn't mean they have to be in your life.
What was said in first post is great!! See gp get counselling psychologist are covered by Medicare. And remove these people from your life. We choice who we have in our lives I choose to only surround myself in good people! U can choose that too.. Just because they are blood doesn't mean they have to be in your life.
Thanks for the advice so far, just to be clear I have had years of counciling and therapy. It has helped with anxiety and depression but not with my emotions or thoughts towards certain people. My mum threatens me that soon I wont have her or she will end up in a mental home if I am not nicer
All i can think of is that I wont care if she died or went away. As long as its no burden to me. I have her close because she looks after my daughter on the odd occasion, but even that has stopped since her last episode where she demanded i appreciate her after a text I sent confirming a pick up time (completely unrelated.but thats how she starts fights randomly ) but husband is easy to forgive and does not understand how i hold on to hate so much. I cant stop hating them because I am sick of being talked to like I owe them something or constantly need to be cautious of how i talk in everyday conversation. Its not healthy
stop engaging, I'd rather not ever have them look after my kids than live like that. Only you can stop this cycle
Sorry but I wouldn't want my mum or my family around me as an adult if they knew I was mollested and didn't do anything about it then forced me to see him. Fuck that. I'm sorry but I would distance yourself from them for a long while and see if they can grow up in that time. Sad...
I've distanced myself from family for 5 years now. I am never invited to birthdays weddings etc. No one really seems to care, my mother want to live with the said abuser and wants me to continue to visit and leave my child there. I cant do it
You are absolutely NOT a psycho. It sounds like you've been through a great deal and it shows great courage and strength that you still communicate with your mother. I would seek some counselling as others have said. Good luck and keep on smiling :)
I could have written very similar. My mother played mental games, the guilt for me wanting to do anything with my life.. The lies she tells everyone in the family, friends.. Everyone. I have ended up having no family friends left due to her lies, my family have very little to do with me due to her lies (even though many of them know she is lying!) at one stage she was even starting to turn my kids against me because of her crap. I cut ties with her and anyone else that believed her lies. I won't lie to you, it was HARD!! Very hard! I was so lonely! Hubby has his family, I have hubby and my kids. It's been 3 yrs and I still feel lonely. But I am not angry anymore. I don't doubt myself anymore. I still question myself too often, but that is improving. For your sanity. Cut ties. It's a toxic relationship and it won't improve. All the waiting, wishing, crying will never change it. If you want to be happy you need to cut ties. It's the only way. Good luck in your journey.
You are not a psycho, you are not the reason for your upbringing and early experiences. Your emotions are suppressed because that's the way it has had to be your entire life and sounds as though your mum would prefer it to stay that way. Persevere with counselling, and use the support to come up with some alternatives for you, whether that be moving away to put some distance between you and your mum or learning to stick up for yourself and not putting up with her crap. You need to learn skills on how to express your emotions without you just turning to anger. This will not only affect your relationship with your mum but everyone else around you. Best of luck and I hope some of this has helped at least in a small way.