Hi ladies, I am really struggling with my daughter's behaviour, she is very smart and has so much energy. I have recently had a newborn, and today she hurt the baby which is so out of character, as she tells me whenever her younger sister is near him, or if his head starts tilting in his rocker she will fix him up, or if he starts too vomit she will run too me and tell me. I have asked numerous people if they think I should get her assessed including her old daycare teachers and now her prep teachers. They all have the same response and that is they don't have a problem with her behaviour. She is just so full on at home, it's like talking too a wall when asking her too stop doing something or too do something. I repeat everything, I've tried smacking, taking tv privlidges away, making her go too bed early, sending her too her room for time-out, taking toys away you name it. I try ignore the bad and praise the good, i try one on one time taking her too the shop etc with me and getting her too help put things into trolley etc, but this quickly changes as she will start touching everything or walk off. She is always running in the house no matter how many times a day i tell her too walk, she doesn't talk she yells. She stirs her sister up for fun, it's like the second I am not giving her my undivided attention she mucks up, I'm always yelling, i go too bed crying as the guilt i feel hits me when she is asleep. I feel I have failed somewhere, somehow I feel like a monster, i love her so much but feel I cant bond with her like my other 2 kids. Does anyone else feel like this?? Do you have any children that are full on and choose bad attention over good attention?? How do I change my ways and become a better mum, and learn too have some patience??
1 Replies
5 year olds can be pretty full on. They have started school and suddenly they start pushing the boundaries at home, no end. Be relieved she is good at school. Have a really hard assessment at what your rules are at home. Are they all realistic? Cut the ones that aren't priorities and go with the important ones. Like child safety! Things like running in the house, yelling etc seem like kids being kids. Touching stuff in the supermarket, that's just exploring the world so unless she is touching something precious or fragile, let it go. As long as she isn't running away then it's not a problem. Have a look about how many times you tell her not to do something. Tell her what to do instead and even cut that back. Because if all you hear are instructions and being told off it just blurs into meaningless blabber!
Most kids will take any attention good or bad versus being ignored any day. So your positive reinforcement has to far out win any negative reaction receives otherwise she will go for the negative. Also any behaviour plan you have to do for one month, and the child will always respond to the intervention by increasing the behaviour initially but then it drops off.
When you ask her to do something get down to her level and use a firm voice. Tell her what you want to her do in a short sentence. Count to 3 seconds in your head, if she hasnt done it firmly but calmly take her to do it. She will get the idea that you are not to be ignored and start doing it on her own.