Hi I'm not sure that this is a question or I'd list like to know if there's light at the end of the tunnel, so please no judgements.
I have been with my partner for over 10 years and everything has been great for the most part, he cheated I forgave we moved on, we have 3 beautiful boys 9,7 and 9 months old. My partner had been been suffering from depresHsion for the last 3 years, I have been nothing but supportive and I do everything I can, including everything for the kids, he literally does nothing, the last 6 months he was told at first it was bipolar and now they have changed it to borderline personality disorder and we have had weekly trips to the hospital for self harm and suicide attempts. Each and every time I have been there and supported him and taken him too and from Drs and that's fine I'm not complaining about doing this but he shows me no affection what so ever, nothing, no sense of his glad I'm with him through this and when I go to kiss him, it's like I'm just annoying him. I don't know if it's the medication or the illness but it's killing me, I don't know if he just feels nothing for me anymore and I feel rejected and so so alone. I used to have my mums support but I am also her carer and she has her own problems as well as she thinks I shouldn't be with him at all, I also part time care for my grandmother in her 80s. I heard them talking about me recently also how much of a terrible mother I am and the house is a mess. I have to turn down work when I really need the money and the outlet but when I have 3 adults and 3 kids, the 9 month old extremely whiney as well, I can't leave any of them to go. My eldest son has now also started seeing a psychologist because of panic attacks, my so called friends just say things like of is he not over that yet. I'm just so alone and I crave for some love, I'd never cheat but I find myself wondering what it would be like to be with someone else and that just makes me feel worse.
Thanks in advance
I will just add I have seen the gp and he just gave me some pills to take and said it was never going to be easy.
Feeling lonely
Feeling lonely
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care
3 Replies
I'm the carer of someone with severe disabilities. It's time to look after you. I'm a bit pissed with your GP as it sounds like you really need someone to talk to, vent to etc and he should have referred you to a counsellor, a counsellor would also help you access services you aren't using but should be. You absolutely need to look after you.
It's time to reach out for services and use them. Contact your local Carers Association. They will be a wealth of support. Also contact local churches and tell them what's happening.
It's time for your family to use all the services you can get your hands on. Contact your local council as they have all sorts of services, from respite, yard work, cleaning etc.
if Grandma is ready for a nursing home it is time for her to go in one!
I'm sorry you are going through this and once you are using everything you can things can get better. It can be very very lonely without that help though.
Also don't be afraid to use crisis support phone lines for yourself in a post below is links to beyond blue and lifeline.
This i. My oopinion; whether he had personality disorder or just doesn't love you does it make a difference? To be honest I'd say the personality disorder will also prevent him from loving you anyway, but whatever he has, medical or not, he is not loving you in the way you need To make your life happy and u fulfilling. In my experience living with someone like that was horrendous it broke me as a person, god knows how or why I stayed as long as I did the stress and unhappiness was brutal. And regardless of his issues, he still conscientiously added a lot of that just because he really was a selfish asshole content to see another person broken at his mercy . Of course your children are affected.
In my opinion, no there is no light of you keep holding on and going the direction you're going. You're letting a depressed/ selfish person lead the way and look at the way it's gone, it will continue to keep going that way while you're tr trying your best to hang on and survive the ride.
It only ended for me when I sent him away. The fog lifted, and life changed almost immediately. I got jobs, sorted out my finances, made smart decisions, made friends, rebuilt myself to feeling normal again. Things are now normal, calm, happy and stress free. You are never indebted to give more of yourself to someone than you can give,that it nnegatively impacts you and your children. It's time to separate supporting him and ruining yourself, and draw the line. Take care of yourself and children first. You may have to support him from a distance until he can help you again.Whatever he has, he can take care of himself, regardless of what he'll put on you and have you believe. A real human, regardless of what he has, wouldn't stay and put it all on his family and watch them all fall to pieces too. The sick part is he'll probably thrive by himself while you're left in pieces to pick up again. All I can advise, very strongly, is don't do it to yourself and your children.
Life is actually incredibly easy and enjoyable. It shouldn't be hard as it is for you, but youre living in a fog of at stress and manipulation and giving too much of yourself to everyone else, I think you're in do deep for so long you've just forgotten.
I have to agree with one of the previous comments. I have been here, where you are. At first it was Depression and SAD but then it was Bipolar, but mine wanted to pick and choose WHEN he was Bipolar, literally. If I was having a shitty day (after 6 years of that torture I felt I was entitled to a shit day!) and wanted to be on my own, he would lose his shit, start screaming and crying, telling me that he was a ticking time bomb just waiting to blow ans that I should know better and that he wanted to kill himself. My life was fucked, excuse my language. I was NEVER happy, I became depressed myself, hated my marriage. I felt at times that the only thing that kept me going was my children. After everything that I did to support him an stand by his side, he ended up having an affair. I mean, how selfish can someone be! I forgave but never forgot. Just recently, I finally left him! Putting your whole self, heart and soul into someone else's well being and disregarding your own is NOT healthy! I have never been the type to tell someone to leave, but I have been in your shoes, and it never gets better - ever. I am sorry, but my advice for you is to star thinking about yourself and your beautiful children and making them happy and if that means leaving your husband behind, then so be it. My life is EXACTLY how I have always wanted it to be right now. I am happy, my kids are happy, my home is running smoothly and I feel so positive! Good like IM x