Hi, I have a 3 year old who has never been a good sleeper, and never cooperated with routines I tried to set up when she was 1, so I never tried again.
Her baby brother came along when she was just over 2, and he was an even worse sleeper (and was extremely difficult with lots of issues), so we basically tried not to upset her for fear of waking the baby who was difficult to get to sleep. So we basically did whatever we had to do to keep her happy and quiet for the sake of our high needs baby's brief sleep periods. Consequently, she got used to just falling asleep on the couch every night, and we would then carry her off to bed.
Now that her baby brother has become a little easier to manage, we are able to set up some sort of routine, but don't know where to start. Or whether to even bother trying. We tried for a couple of nights, the whole bath, book, bed thing but she refuses to go to her bed awake, and it is upstairs so it's difficult to keep going up and down and putting her back in bed so we haven't pushed it. I'm basically too scared to try the hard approach, because she screams and cries at the mention of going to her bed, which then wakes up her baby brother, and throws everyone into disruption and an even more prolonged bedtime. And I don't want to give her negative associations with bedtime as that will be hard to undo, I want the idea of sleeping to feel natural and happy to her, not as some sort of punishment. Plus, a part of me feels guilty for having had to put her baby brother first when he was younger until we sorted out his issues.
Some of my friends have strict bed time routines, and some have no bed time routines, so I really don't know if it's worth the battle at 3 years of age or if it's better to wait until she can understand consequences and routine more.
My question I guess is, how do I implement a bedtime routine for a 3 year old who's never had one? And should I bother if we are all ok with the current arrangement of sleeping on the couch then carrying her to bed? Are there negative consequences to not setting a bedtime routine at her age? Thank you.
Bedtime routine for 3 year old
Bedtime routine for 3 year old
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Baby & Toddler, Kids
4 Replies
IMO I wouldn't bother messing with it unless she is going to sleep really, really late and being distracted by the TV and jumping around the lounge room, playing with toys rather than lying on the sofa and going to sleep.
It would probably be helpful though to have some kind of routine in place by the time she goes to school though and for her own sense of independence. And lets face it it gets old after a while (I've had to have the non-routine routine at different times). You can do a slowly, slowly approach to changing it. You could try setting up a little DVD player in her room so as part of her new routine you lie down next to her and watch the DVD until she falls asleep. Once she is settled with that then you move to only watching part of the DVD with her etc. It doesn't have to be a dump her in bed and let her cry it out at all. Maybe make it fun by having a camp out in her bedroom for a few nights so she starts to see it as a fun thing.
My first comment is: if it's not a problem for you, then it's not a problem. If she is getting to sleep at a reasonable hour and getting a good night's sleep then I say don't stress.
I'll just share that my daughter (who is 4 in 3 months) does not and has never gone to sleep without help from us. We bed shared with her until early last year. She now has a queen sized bed and one of us (me, normally) lays with her until she falls asleep. Do what works for you and your family. Implement any changes you need to make gradually and with love, don't feel pressured to push it too quickly
Oh and she watches a DVD to fall asleep, apparently a big no-no but she sleeps well :)
I think a bed time routine should be nice, calm and relaxing so if it's not - what's the point? A three year old will know that if you try a routine it means going to bed alone so of course she's going to resist it. I also think you have to REALLY want it to change otherwise it wont. if you're all happy then rock what you're doing. it's your family!
But if you decide to make changes then maybe make sure you spend time playing in her room during the day so she' gets lots of happy associations with it, maybe make it extra special - like a pretty bed net, or fairy lights etc. talk about as a thing that big girls do and maybe gently work towards it as something she can do once your 4?? my 5 year old loves a few songs and a gentle back rub still to help her calm down for bed.