SORRY FOR THE NOVEL....Our son who is 3 months shy of turning 3 has completely gone nuts.... We had baby no.2 arrive in February and to say the transition has been tough is an understatement...... His behaviour brings me to tears everyday and I'm at a loss as to how to parent him any more.
He is extremely active and very very clever and advanced in his communication skills, so the frustration of not being able to communicate isn't the issue, the main area we are having issues with is his aggressive and violent actions towards his brother, our 2 dogs , toys, furniture and myself...
Hitting, pinching, kicking, throwing, spitting and being overly aggressive ALL day long.
He doesn't 'play' with his toys, he trows them around the room at the dogs ( they are now seperated from him for safety) his baby brother and me.
He picks up things and smashes them into each other over and over again... Pegging things around the room or at people....
When he is near his baby brother he shakes all over with tension and I can see he is holding back his want to hit him...
We involve him in helping with baby, he is too rough most of the time but we still get him to help as we don't want to push him away. We are very active and spend most mornings out at a park or kinder gym or play date (he seems a lot more calmer out of the house, still has his moments but very apparent change in temperament ) as hard as it has been with a newborn getting out and about, staying home for a full day makes him so ratty that it's just chaos......
I feel like he hates being at home with me all day... Or just at home in general?
Its been 6 weeks now since baby was born and things aren't settling down. I spend the time when baby is napping to be with him one on one and he seems to be a bit calmer but still very rough with me, grabbing me and squeezing me soo tightly it hurts, grabbing my head with both hands and pressing as hard as he can and pushing/rubbing his face against mine so hard I have to pull him off... Climbing all over me when we are sitting reading a book. He never ever sits still.
I'm sad with having unhappy days with him, I woild love to have happy fun days with my boy again...
Everything is a battle with him atm, it makes me very sad as he is clearly not coping well and acting out aggressively and violently. Plus I'm not coping with handling this new behaviour either...
Has any other mums experienced a complete change in their older child when baby no.2 has arrived? Any tips on getting my son back to his normal happy self?
And most importantly how can I as a parent help him become less aggressive and a more calmer happier child again...
1 Replies
I'll be upfront I only have the one but I work with kids with behaviour problems. Personally I'd see if you can get him in daycare one day a week so that you can have one day without the tension. It will give you a day to reboot and re-energise and a day where he isn't stressing about the baby.
Secondly make sure when ever he is doing the right thing he is getting lots of praise, attention, from you.
Keep doing the mornings out I know hard work, but if they are working keep doing them.
When he cuddles you turn him so he sits in your lap with his back to your tummy. That way you can give him kisses etc without getting the hands etc mushing you.
When he sits down to read a book remind him at the start to sit still and praise whenever he is. Three year olds by nature don't sit still though.