This week my sons teacher informs me that my son is the worst student that she has had to deal with in terms of Behaviour. To say that it cut a little deep is an understatement. This seems to have been a common theme since my child was in Kinda, although not to the degree of being the worst student.
The kinda teacher suggested
I have him assessed for ADHD or Autism, when informed that we had already had him assessed by a child psychologist and were told that there was nothing wrong with him, the kinda teacher told me that I should get him assessed again. The prep teacher then told me that she did not "believe he had ADHD or anything just that he was a naughty boy". So following this incident had him assessed again by a different child psychologist, who advised that he was a normal child of his age.
My husband and I are by no means push overs, we are strict on our children. But I cannot understand the behaviour that is being reported by the school. Things like aggressiveness, hitting and hurting other children. He does not do this at home or at Before and after school care, or at the school holiday program. Yes he is defiant and sometimes antagonistic at home, but not to the degree that is being reported by the school.
He is active, he has always been full on. One kinda teacher said to us that he was a beautiful little boy who just had lots of energy. Other people such as friends and family who know him say the same thing.
I am honestly at a loss to understand where this behaviour is coming from, or how to deal with it. We have tried everything!
Has anyone had behavioural issues with their child and not know where else to turn?
Please tread carefully with your responses as I am more than a little fragile.
3 Replies
My son has been that kid :) it is such an awful feeling as a mum.
Personally I would try a developmental paediatrician. And find a psychologist who is prepared to do an observation at the school. Also an educational assessment would be a good idea.
It's quite possible that in the clinical setting he does come across 'normal'. The clinical setting is very very different to a classroom.
I now work with behavioural kids and what you are saying is not uncommon. Many parents take a long time to find there child the help they need.
Now he still may be 'normal' BUT a good psychologist should give the school and yourselves strategies to help your son anyway. Because although he might be normal he is having some issues at school that are getting in his way.
I really hoped that helped
i have also been baffled by what teachers have told me about my sons behaviour at school compared to home. yes my son has always been high energy and the school routine is horrible for boys like that when they are forced to sit for so long, it becomes unbearable. since highschool my son has improved as they get to move around alot more.
can i ask what age your son is?
just from what i have read a few things come to mind
1) have him assessed again- by a proper child behavior specialist and tell them what the school has told you
2) look at his diet. is there too much sugar or processed foods? i have noticed a big change in my son when he has preservatives, so he cant have much take away, lollies or store bought food-i try to make as much as i can from scratch (not always easy)
3) have you ever looked into alternative schools? places like the Steiner schools are structured so differently from mainstream schools and can cater to children who have different needs. even boys schools have a better understanding of how boys behave and so they allow more outdoor time and have a bit more patience with boys.
4) not a judgement, but an observation. i noticed you mentioned before and after school care and also holiday care. i dont know how much time he spends there per week but these places are known for children who need to defend themselves as often the carers are understaffed and so kids need to develop a defensive mechanism to cope with the bullying etc that goes on.
also maybe if he spends alot of time in care centres he might be crying out for attention (but the wrong kind) and he may just need more quality time spent with mum and dad.
My son has been labelled 'the worst the school has ever seen'. We underwent numerous psychology appointments, behaviour management and parenting courses as well as OT and Speech lessons for over a year. We were in denial, we thought his behaviour at home was normal for an energetic child.
It got to the point where I went on antidepressants to handle the negative feedback and exclusion from the school.
In the end we went back to the paediatrician for the third time and he suggested it may be ADHD and suggested a low dose of Ritalin. It was like a switch was flicked and suddenly all the impulsive behaviours that got him in trouble immediately went away and he was no longer labelled the naughty child at school.
We realised we were not seeing the same behaviours at home as the school reported because it is a different environment. At school they are placed under different expectations, they are expected to concentrate on the task at hand, listen, communicate, be attentive in class, interact, learn and make friends. At home it is different, different rules, different scenarios, the child likes being at home because they have their favourite toys and activities.
I would suggest trying another paediatrian, getting a second opinion and maybe seeing whether medication might help your child. Read the book Understanding ADHD by Christopher Green, he has extensive experience in ADHD and it explains in the book that no amount of behaviour therapy and parenting classes is going to fix a chemical imbalance. If there's an imbalance the only way to fix it is medication. It's not a bad thing if it helps him.
You can read the first few chapters of the book on itunes. Even if your child doesn't have ADHD it may help you understand what the school is going through.
https://itunes.apple.com/au/book/understanding-adhd/id487584397?mt=11