hi this may sounds like a stupid question and please do not judge. I am getting professional help.
I am in an abusive relationship. I am trying to take steps to leave. He has been abit physical with me and phycological aswell Its mainly me.
There is one thing I do question is where does the line get drawn between tough discipline and child abuse... (when you live with abuse your normal is different. I get that)
My partner for example will put his palm underneath his upper arm and hold his upper arm tightly with his hand and pull up abit and walk along Quickly. (Basically holding his upper arm firmly. Pulling it up a bit and walking along)
If he cant smack him he will pinch my son. For example in the car.
He will walk along holding his wrist rather than his hand... type thing.
He has been called dickhead, stupid and idiot. Occasionally.
I want to be a good mum and I am scared of my judgment. I am sorry if this upsets you. Please tell me nicely without judgment. I second guess my intuition.
My son is 6yo. my partner has a short tempter. I am just needing to know your thoughts.
I know we are on different levels for discipline. I am more of a talker and he more takes the action.
6 Replies
The pinching, name calling etc are all examples of abuse.
I know what you mean about the holding the arm and depending on the force used it could be or couldn't be, same as holding the wrist.
But pinching, name calling is without a doubt abuse.
Good luck
Yes, abuse includes pinching and name calling. It's not OK for him to treat your son this way. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
Please know that being abused doesn't make you a bad mum. The abuse isn't your fault. You are not in control of his actions.
xx
Sweetheart I want to tell you something, this is not your fault. I have left an abusive marriage where my ex-husband in the end made me believe everything was my fault. If he got fired from a job, it was my fault. Everything. He had squashed me down so far, it wasn't long before he was abusing m children as well. What he is doing is abuse, psychological and physical. It sounds physically bad enough his arm could pop out of it's socket. Do not second guess yourself, it is what your partner wants you to believe.
I must be an abuser then because I've pinched my son before:/
Thanks ladies. It is so hard to think clearly sometimes. I usually have arguements after he loses it to the kids. He snaps he isnt very reasonable and does not try verbally first. He does use force he bruises me with his fingers... I can try and in my own time deal with this but of course I have zero tolerance to even take the time to comprehend if he is doing this to our kids. I just dont want to lift the bar and let him get away with hurting them and for any reason I just dont want to miss the signs. I just need more time for me. Thank you for you responses. Its is tough.
He is the dad to our children. Long time partner. For those who were not sure. Sorry I didnt mention.