Hi IMs, my eldest daughter is five and a (mostly) well behaved, polite, well adjusted child with a sweet & caring nature, in fact I am often complimented on how well behaved she is. Except for one thing - she has serious meltdowns over her clothes nearly every single day! (Also shoes, hairbands, clips etc)
When she has to get dressed each morning she loses the plot completely - cries, screams, kicks, rolls around on the floor, yanks at her clothes and hair etc it's like they're causing her actual physical pain. Gets herself into an absolute state!
I'm at the end of my tether! We've tried it all - punishment, smacks, reward charts, removal of privileges (iPad time etc), cuddling & soothing to try & keep her calm whilst she gets dressed. (given each approach a proper go, this has been going on for 2 years) This morning I woke up with a migraine, couldn't deal with it, put her in her room, shut the door and told her she's not coming out until she's dressed with shoes on. She's been in there for an hour and half screaming hysterically (sorry neighbours) and we're already 45 minutes late for school. I'm at my absolute wits end. Help??
I've read up a bit on sensory processing disorder, tactile defensiveness etc (thanks Dr Google) but I'm not a fan of getting her assessed, putting a label on her etc when she's got no other issues and we all have our quirks. I'm more interested in how to deal with/ stop the meltdowns until she grows out of it or until she leaves home :-/ Everything I've read says just give in and let her wear what she's comfy in. Sorry not an option in my house. School uniform must be worn, shoes must be worn outside the home, jumpers when it's cold etc.
Sorry this is getting really long, thanks for reading but I think it helps to add a bit more info.
She's always preferred to dress for comfort over style (unlike her sister lol). I'm quite a strict parent but I do believe in choosing my battles - if she lives in tights/leggings because she can't stand jeans, or if she wears a t-shirt & tights to bed because she doesn't like the feel of Pj's it's no drama. Also what she finds comfy or uncomfy changes from day to day.
She has started school this year, and she seems to find her school uniform particularly uncomfortable. FYI she loves school and will have a meltdown over her clothes even we're going somewhere exciting like the zoo or grandparents house so I don't think it's anything to do with not wanting to go to school. Days when we're not going anywhere and I tell her she can wear whatever she likes we seem to avoid the meltdown but she will still put on several outfits, yank them off, put a different one on etc (cupboard looks like a bomb hit it)
Also, even after a really bad meltdown, once we get out the door she seems to forget all about the clothes that were causing her such unbearable pain a few minutes ago & she's fine until we get home sometimes she will start carrying on about them again.
I use sensitive washing powder etc but don't think that's got anything to do with it.
Help???? I just want to pour a glass of wine with my brekkie every morning to get me through. (Jokes)
12 Replies
She sounds like she needs a desensitisation program. I'd go to a psychologist to help you work through a proper program. They won't insist in a diagnosis they will give you the strategies though. Otherwise can she wear something under the uniform that she doesn't react too so the uniform doesn't feel so bad?
Sounds like she has a sensory disorder and but not wanting asses her, won't make it any better. She needs to be desensitized to the clothes your trying to put on her. Is there a piece of clothing she prefers that you can put under her uniform? forcing the issue won't make it any better but helping the issue and finding a solution is what you need to do.
There is a good chance they DO cause her pain/discomfort. SPD and other disorders such as ASD make people hyper-sensitive to things like seams, different fabrics, buttons and zips.
I understand the resistance to assessment and "labels" but these outcomes also open a lot of doors for your child. Occupational therapy, psychological assistance and other things. And if you can say to her school that she has issues with the clothes that are the uniform because of her condition, they may be able to negotiate an acceptable solution for her.
I can imagine the frustration you are feeling but it sounds as though she has a legitimate issue and respecting and working with it would be a better solution than forcing her to live in discomfort.
Maybe send her to school in her PJ's and take her uniform with you.. it might prompt her to get dressed at school.
Sorry have to agree.. It's silly and selfish not to get her tested because you don't want her labelled. She has a problem help her by finding out what it is!! Your at the end of your tether... How do you think she feels?? She probably has no idea why she feels like this or does it!!!
One of my daughters does this exact thing too! She doesn't have a sensory processing disorder, she's just a little highly strung. It's reduced in frequency and duration over time (she's now 7) because we give the behaviour very little attention. Her tantrums will not dictate our house. She is made to get dressed and that is that. Consistency has worked for my daughter. I know some kids may have a sensory processing disorder, but I'm fairly certain that one could find a diagnosis for a 'quirk' and that's not helpful either. It promotes this idea that anyone who's a little different requires a label. Having said that, only you know if this is just a case of being sensitive and highly strung or if you truly think there's something deeper going on. Best of luck!
Hi, I know this was written two years ago now but I have just read as I am trying to find help for my 5 year old daughter. Your description is exactly how my daughter is too. Have you found anything to help. I feel quite ashamed as I frequently get angry with her as I am just so frustrated. I don't know how to help her. If I try to be calm, quiet and gently encourage her to dress we are frequently very late. It has got significantly worse over the last couple of weeks. Any tips on if you have found anything that helps
Hi Lindsey. Just jumping in on this thread very late, but did you find anything to help with the clothes battle? My daughter is displaying everything mentioned and I am terribly concerned as it is so traumatic to see my daughter explode when she can't wear certain items of clothes. We are off to see OT next week but would love to know of your success
Oh my goodness this is my 4 year old.
I was beginning to think I was just us. That I had missed something that I should of been doing. She is also well behaved & well adjusted just like your daughter fights when getting dressed. I feel your pain mumma. X
Hello,
This is also our 5yr old. I see its been 3yrs since you posted. How are things now with your Daughter ? What type if any help/treatment have you gotten for her ? Is she medicated ? Our daughter is also very hyper, yet well behaved. Our daughter (adopted) was born to an addict, she was born with drugs in her system, at 6 days old she was Life flighted to a Childrens Hospital for 5 nights, then at 1 month old she got a fever of 103.4 and Life Flighted to the same hospital.being diagnosed with Mentigitis she was released 5 days later and has not been ill since. She was and still is a 12-14 hour sleeper, with or without a "meltdown ".
I dread school morning's ! How can a innocent caring little girl cause uproar over clothes !! We just recently bought her a new wardrobe, we went a size b6igger, everything is too big, going to wait and see how she does.
Not sure if I will find this ste again, if you dont mind please reply @ drake.danika.1@gmail.com or you can find me on FB JeannaBukerTerryNelson
Thank you.
I have texture issues still as an adult. It causes me actual panic at times. I was a very well behaved child and my parents learned to allow me to voice my opinion on clothing.
Hi, it's been 8 years since you posted this about your daughter, and as someone going through the exact same thing with my own 5 year old daughter I'd LOVE to know how your daughter has progressed with this issue over the last 8 years. Hoping your story will be able to help my family in some way. Many thanks!