Surely it doesn't need to be this hard?
Some pregnant women working right up until they have baby. Makes for an overtired and run down mum to start with.
Once you've had the baby instead of intimate family bonding time some women are plonked in a room with another woman. Visitors for both mums come and go all day long & medical staff always coming by. No time to rest and get to know baby. The room isn't set up for closeness and bonding. Shouldn't this be the most important thing in those early days?
Never mind if there are complications for mum or baby - a sufficient explanation from the hospital on the problem should do the trick! Rush them in, and push them out. Little emotional or practical support for the mum who now has additional concerns.
Two days max usually of support in the hospital and new mums are shipped off home. Sometimes a midwife might come by but you get a time budget of around 5 minutes. Should the mum ask about feeding or her baby's jaundice in those 5 minutes?
Some women do it on their own right from the start, or those with partners have them need to hurry back to work after the 2 week parental leave is over. So you've got a new mum who doesn't have support with her all the time. Many live hours or countries away from family, many don't have or are estranged from family, many have lived such hectic lives before that they just don't have a lot of friends to help. Many think that this is just a part of parenting and to suck it up. Definitely not the community way that our ancestors intended for us to raise our babies.
All services are located outside of the house (I don't know about others, but I was too tired to see straight let alone drive...) breastfeeding problems? 'Sure, no worries come to us!' Hospital carpark so jam packed have to leave 40 minutes early just to park in the remote vicinity of the place, screaming baby all the way there, no continuity of care. ABAs fees are too high (a service for those who can afford them) No wonder so many women give up breastfeeding so early. Sleep problems? Sure, let us show you how to settle your baby in an unfamiliar environment at a convenient time for us which may or may not be in line with baby's regular routine. Great. Feeling depressed? Sure, come to us - you'd have to make all the effort to get the support that we think that you need and told to come back in a few weeks.. And here, have a pill by the way. Uh hu
Fast forward a few months after this never ending cycle 'oh, you're going back to work allllready?' Mum feels guilty and says yes. Behind this really is inequity - some mums being offered the PPL and paid maternity leave from work. Plus, the PPL not being much when you consider the need for bonding, rejuvenating and when you look at what is offered internationally. Not to mention return to work is fraught with problems of 'hidden discrimination' whether that be by 'restructure' or 'relocation' or 'passed up for promotion'. Or perhaps mum is a casual worker who has to pay for childcare when the kids are booked in without a guarantee shift. That's if she can even get a daycare spot.
Or 'oh, you're not going back to work?' Mum feels guilty and says she isn't. Mum can't afford the sky rocketing cost of daycare, but she really would love to work. Mum chooses to stay home and the payments offered to her are a joke.
Cue: societal expectations of supermums.
I'm curious what public services/family support etc do you think would help make things easier for mums? Or existing ones for accessible, or for them to work better?
1 Replies
Haha you hit the nail on the head didn't you. Unfortunately I'm not sure there can be a widespread support system for mums simply because there isn't money in the budget for it. I think it would only be possible if someone who had a lot of money was willing and passionate enough to start something.
I know with my first child I had the midwife who delivered visit on day 3 at home and it was absolutely life saving. We had no idea what we were doing and were about to have a complete breakdown. She stayed for about half an hour I think helping me to go through latching, giving advice on how to heal my nipples and to just let us know that we're doing an amazing job. The second time round (different state) we had a health nurse visit and she was not comforting at all. In fact she just annoyed us and we couldn't wait to get her out the door. Even when my newborn baby was screaming naked on the floor while she weighed her, she didn't hurry herself, just cooed at her while she screamed (this is after she'd done everything she needed to do). So there are so many variables in terms of after birth service - not only does it have to be available to everyone to make the most impact (almost impossible?) you have to have the right kind of person delivering the service.
For the months after the birth and even all the way up to pre-schooling age, I would love to have had community based play groups with a safe environment for little ones who aren't walking yet, and then other areas for those that are, perhaps some morning tea provided for the kiddies and a welcoming environment. ALL of the playgroups I have been to to date (with the exception of one at my church which was lovely), have been the most unwelcoming, unfriendly groups that are near impossible to penetrate because those mums have already become friends and they're unwilling to let new people in. I think play groups where there is a wide range of ages and mums where there is a specific place to interact (like over the coffee machine during morning tea), done on multiple days of the week would be much better than these playgroups made up by other mums who already have their "group".
I also think regular contact with mums from the places like the hospital, local playgroups, schools, health care services etc would be fantastic, just to keep mums in the loop of what's happening and give them information on what they might need to know for their child. Something like a local-ish newsletter would be fantastic.
It'd also be good to maybe have a booklet with phone numbers for places like BeyondBlue, social services, Centrelink etc with a basic brief of what that particular places helps with. The amount of people who have a problem and don't know where to go for it is astounding.
That's about all I've got, but like I said I think it would take someone from the private sector to really step up and put a lot of time and money into making something widely available to all mums.