My 3.5yr old daughter is behaving awfully! She pushes or hits her friends at kindy if they don't do what she wants, and does this to her brother. She doesn't do anything she is told, and has a massive problem with listening and talking back! It has gotten worse the past week with major attitude! Her moods range from playing nicely with us (mum & dad) and her little brother to being in a fowl mood saying no and being bossy. We have tried time out, reward charts and smacking (when she is really really bad) we also praise her heaps when she is sharing or being a "good girl" her father works away 4 weeks and home for one, but has done so for most if not all her life! I'm wondering if I need to see a specialist? Her diet ect hasn't changed, however we have had to cut out "treats" due to her behaviour! Any suggestions?
2 Replies
It's hard to tell, but what ever method you use has to be consistent for at least a month. So if you used time out today but yesterday you did something totally different then it's probably going to just add confusion.
Something that parents often miss is telling there children the rules. So even though she can't read have them on a poster so she can see and you can explain.
Stick to one punishment for a month. Be extremely consistent. The behaviour won't disappear over night but what you are looking for is a decrease in behaviour over time.
Make sure you are teaching her to use other methods to get her way and that your teaching her little brother not to invade her space. Often we forget that our older children need some time and space to play with there toys with out younger siblings inserting themselves all the time. I don't mean she shouldn't learn to share but it's ok for her to have time on her own too, we all need 'me' time.
They don't call them threenagers for nothing!! Mine is the same age and we get MAJOR attitude.
The things I've found to work the best are trying to respond calmly, if she speaks to me/her father rudely I remind her that we speak nicely to each other ("Can we try that again in a nicer voice?") or if she throws a toy in frustration she is asked (nicely) if she can pick it up and try it again more gently. Model the behaviour you want to see - which takes a lot of patience - so no yelling, speak nicely to everyone and show her what's expected of her. Take time to connect with her before correcting her behaviour, get down on her level and tell her you can hear that she's frustrated/angry/sad and ask how you can help her. Sometimes you will get pushed away but others you will be able to defuse the situation by just showing you understand. It will take time but she'll get there.