I'm very emotional about something and need some outside input. I suppose I don't know if I am being unreasonable or not.
I'm due to give birth to No. 3 in May. DP and I are very happy.
Anyway, my mother was planning to come over and visit us in May (these plans began before we found out we were expecting). We have not seen her in years. May was the only suitable month for her due to personal commitments. My DP wanted her to cancel her visit as we are due to give birth that month, and re-organised it for another year or two in the future. I did not really feel the need to do this, however he was adamant that he didn't want family visiting that month as he didn't want the extra stress of being hospital and having visitors when I was due any week and then when we have a new baby. So, my mother very graciously agreed, and did not booked any flights for May. Her visit has been moved to some time in the future. I was disappointed, but there are positives, as much as I miss her, our children and new baby will be older too.
But this is what has angered me. A week after my MIL and FIL found out we were pregnant and our due date, they contacted us to say they were coming down here (not to stay in our home though) in May to stay for a few weeks and visit. My husband told them having visitors didn't suit us in that month and why. MIL said she understood, but it was the only time that's suits them, they want to visit some old friends in the near town anyway, and because they didn't want to encroached, they would't expect to visit us during that time. Flights have been booked.
Really??? They travel hours down to stay in the same town as us, but don't expect to visit? I said to DP, of course they would! And we would be the most horrible people in the world if we didn't see them !!!!
I'm so angry. I told DP how I felt about it, and he got defensive, turnt it all around on me, told me I hurt his feelings and suddenly he is the victim!!!! My mum just got told not to come over to visit, at HIS insistence, and than his own family decide to come visit anyway. He said it's not his fault cause he told them but cant control them and I need to be more mature. I know he cant control his parents, but I am still disgusted.
Is it wrong that I feel like this is not fair? Is it wrong that I feel resentful towards my husband and inlaws?
What would others feel and do in this situation?
8 Replies
I get your point. I would be making sure they were not invited to the house just to make it clear. If there is one rule for your mum it's the same for every one!
Isn't a baby being born a perfect reason for parents to visit? I don't understand the whole no visitors thing when a baby's born.. I loved having both my husbands and my own family around. If it were me I'd be ringing my mum and telling her to book her flight lol
I agree, I loved having my family around. I loved showing my baby off. I'd never heard of anyone not wanting family to pop in until I discovered this site. Mind you there was a mum the other day who posted who sounded like she had some genuine reasons for not wanting visitors.
Why can't you have visitors when the baby is born? It's such a joyous time everyone wants to see the new baby :) I get it can get tiring and everyone is settling in to new routine but surely organised visits should be allowed
I'd book my parents flight. Birth is a celebration of love and shameful that your parents haven't seen the babies. You get out of life and relationships what you put into them. As for the partners' side....I'd make sure they know your parents will be there also...so be sure to call before stopping over. Get your power back, young lady...and learn to INSIST on what YOU want...he seems to have no problem doing so! Resentful? You have a right to be pissed and they would all know it! Sending you hugs and hope you enjoy every second with your PARENTS!!!
I loved having visitors when my kids were born, mind U my parents were in the same town so they could go back to their own place but my inlaws came down from another state and stayed for a week when my youngest was born. I'm sure your mum would love seeing her grandchild and the other kids too. Don't push your parents to the side, think about how that would make u feel if you were in their shoes. Let them be a part of things too. I'm sure they would love it!
Yeah i dont understand why your mum couldnt come. She probably would have been a great help with the other kids and housework etc. Also if the in laws want to visit the same town you are in then there is nothing you can do about it. Why wouldnt you want to share a few hours of your time with them? Its a fight over nothing.
I had my mum, big sister and partner with me when I gave birth to my first. It was so comforting to have them around and my partner understood that and said that if it was what I wanted it was what I got. I gave birth at 3 in the morning and my mother and sister were told to leave by the nurses which I didn't even know about. My mother in law turned up at the hospital at 6 in the morning and I still hadn't slept. She had been asked to wait til later in the day but refused. My partner was really angry with her because he knew how tired I was and that I didn't really we want any visitors that early.
He needs to support you and what you need during that time because you are the one going through the physical and emotional pain of birth. If it would make it easier for you to have your mother there then I think he needs to not be a jerk and let her come.
Even though your in laws say they are visiting friends I. That area I don't see them not just turning up with the thought oh well they have to see us now that we are here. Put your foot down. Tell him that if his parents expect to see you then your mother has every right as well