My husband has significant credit card debt that he refuses to discuss. What little I do know is that he pays only the minimum monthly payment and it continues to grow because he uses it for takeaway, impulse buys and bills. He won't discuss the debt or make a plan to pay it off or let anyone help him. He doesn't seem to understand that not paying it off stops us from ever owning a house. It also puts me off returning to work as after childcare I wouldn't make much and any money I did have would go to a bigger share in household expenses, which would mean he would have extra money to spend on junk. He gets angry when I try to discuss his debt, refuses to accept help and says its his debt to deal with alone. How can I get him to discuss it calmly? Has anyones marriage survived debt and stubborness like this?
3 Replies
Here is the problem, it's not his debt. It's the families debt. Once you get married there is no distinction between the two. At this point you should both be involved in negotiating your finances together. I would approach this from a legal stand point as he doesn't understand that financially and legally you are a team. I would ask for a marriage counselling. He needs to understand that you are a team and need to work as such.
He may be ashamed of it, that could be a reason as to why he might not want to talk about it,
I haven't been through a similar experience but if it were me and my partner I would maybe approach him about changing his diet which would cut out the extra cost of junk food and takeaway, do it together maybe make it something your whole family can be involved in so he doesn't feel like it's all on him (even though that may be the case)
The thing about being in a relationship is these sort of issue's are something you need to be involved in, and he has to understand that.
A partnership is 2 people, It's not just a one way street. Another idea would maybe organising all your financials together, including his debt, allow for you and him to have some spending money for those impulse buys, or suggest he save's for a fortnight instead of buying it there and then.
Hope this is some sort of help IM keep strong ! X
My partner was the same as this, until one day I just blew up and put my foot down, I told him to tell me exactly what was going on and that he needed to be honest, he had to show me bank statements and make a plan to pay it off and save. I told him if he didn't start putting his family first I was leaving, as I would rather be a single mother that be with a man that didn't put his family first. At least I would always put my daughter first. I moved all my stuff into the spare room and said until I see change I won't share the same bed as him. I also called him Mum who I'm close with and told her exactly what was going on. She even had a good stern talk to him.He has since started saving and changed his tune.