My kids live with their dad the majority of the time and have for 2 years. Long story but he kept them after a visit when we didn't have a court order, moved far enough away that shared care isn't possible and have been in court ever since. I've done everything I can to get them back and it's been a really difficult time. Every day without them is hard. Most of this time I was working long hours as a distraction but I lost my job suddenly right before Christmas and haven't been able to find another job (not from lack of trying) so I've been on newstart and financially I'm struggling....a lot. My kids dad has a very good, very well paid job ($3000-$5000 a week). I still pay child support, though not a lot, I've never been behind or anything. Just lately we have a court date coming up and a family report to get done and now my ex has been getting the kids to call me to ask for all the things they need, from tablets to school camps, and everything in between. It kills me everytime I have to say no as they are my kids and I want to be able to give them what they need but I just can't afford it and my ex knows I cant. They never ask with enough notice that I could try and save for it and I'm already going without everything, including food while they aren't with me so I can pay rent and look after them while they are with me. But when I say no to paying for stuff my ex says pretty much it's just because I don't care enough and I can see/hear the resentment growing in my kids towards me and it's heartbreaking. I still really want my kids back even though he has money he doesn't give them the time, love and attention I could but I'm feeling so crap about myself for not being able to afford the things they want that I'm starting to think maybe they are better off without me. They used to ask to come home all the time which was hard to hear when I couldn't do anything about it but the last few weeks they've stopped asking to be with me which is a million times worse. Not sure what I'm asking...more just venting I guess. Some days I feel like I'm drowning in the stress and sadness. I'm seeing a psychologist but it doesn't seem to help. I've always wanted to be a mum and a good mum at that but I feel like I've failed at everything and I've failed my kids. They deserve so much better.
3 Replies
First of all if you're only on Newstart and he's earning that much you shouldn't be paying child support at all, I don't get anything off my ex because he's on Newstart and my partner earns less than half what your ex does. Please speak to CSA about this.
Secondly, you haven't failed as a mum. Being a mum is HARD. Children are demanding and a lot of the time we cannot give into every demand. I really hope everything will go well for you in court. Kids need love and attention not material items...they will realise this. Huge hugs to you hun xx
I have tried talking to child support but he hasn't done a tax return in years and even though I've given them his bosses number and all his work details and they can access his bank account, he says he earns less than me and they've left it for me to prove. No idea how I'm supposed to do that so I've left it alone to try and ease the tension a little.
It is massive I know....(same). your abuse by ex continues..Your ex is kicking you while you're down(out of work). It is very difficult , to survive this battle of wills determine that you are wounded but not destroyed. You carry the wound which is debilitating but think of yourself, you are NOT destroyed. Nurture yourself within... you deserve that. Going over in your head is like taking a plank from him, your ex and hitting yourself over the head with it. This is what I discovered.