IM sharing: I hope this helps someone in any form of domestic violence

I would like to share. Something I have lived through and can hopefully give other IM's hope and reassurance if they are/have or know someone who has suffered domestic violence.

This post has come from reviewing my diaries from when I was 20yrs old, a few days ago. I reviewed an article I pasted in my diary '1 out of 3 women will experience either emotional or physical domestic violence in their lives' of which I write underneath 'I wonder if I will ever know someone?'... Not knowing it would happen to me 3 years later.

I met him at a friends party. We exchanged numbers and a few days later I went over to his house. I should have known when I left that night when I said goodbye to his housemate with a hug that I should never have walked back into that house. As I said goodbye he kicked me and told me to never hug his mates again. I was hurt and confused as to why he kicked me. He then told me how sorry he was and how he was just jealous. He made me feel important. A few weeks later I went back over and got very drunk. That night he had his way with me. I now know it was rape. At the time I thiught I was just very desirable to him to take advantage of a passed out drunk girl. A year living together I was banned from contraception, fell pregnant 4 times. 1 pregnancy I lost the baby when he threw me down the stairs, the second he punched me continuously in the tummy because I didn't have a job, 3rd an abortion and the 4th well... Let's just say I was so beaten down at this point I decided to abort again..

I would wake in fear everyday. When I was a bad girl (I didn't wash the dishes or didn't have sex with him) he would drag me by the hair and throw me in the laundry where my bed was.. That is the dog bed. I would have a dish in the corner with water and a blanket. This became a normal thing. I would work full time and my salary of $580 a week would go to him on pay day. He would by his toys, games and smokes, pay the rent and give me $35 at the end of it. With this money I was expected to buy us food. If I needed money he would expect sexual favours and provide me $10 per favour. I ended up doing babysitting for a bit more money for myself of which I got nits. I went home and asked for $20 to buy nit shampoo products and a comb. I will always remember the smirk look he gave me when he told me he would fix it and to hop in the shower. He told me to close my eyes. I did. He came back and poured turps over my head and as I was screaming in agony he told me to shut up and out degreaser in my hair to ease the pain.

Why did I stay you ask? Let's just say when the worst possible and evil things happened to me, the emotional and physical abuse that no one would ever love me, im stupid and a failure, a few hours later he would make me feel like I was the most precious person in the world and only he could make it better. I guess I was also scared he was going to kill me if I tried to leave.

I had no money, bruises to my face and down to my toes and no family or friends to support me as over the 5 years they ended up giving up and as my family were always there for me they knew there wasn't anythjng they could do.

It wasn't until a lady at work had enough. She could see I was dying both physically and emotionally. She took the first step for me (I asked her to) and packed up my things while he was at work. I stayed at work while she did this. She then paid for my things to be moved and I promised I would pay Her back. I left. I filed a police report and left that afternoon. Turned off my phone and started fresh. He looked for me but by the time he found me the police had already taken the steps to keep me safe.

Move forward 9 years and I now have 2 beautiful children, in a loving relationship with a partner who has never even said shut up to me who respects and loves me. I'm on over $110,000 a year after completing my degree and worked my way to where I am. I suffer serve esteem issues, diagnosed with BOD from the suffering and live with regret.

It took me 6years to stop living in fear. I'm still hurt, I have the emotional scars and will never be the same innocent person I was once when I first started my diary entries.

What I'm trying to say is, please there never is a time to leave such relationships. My story is a long and horrible one of which I can't write everything down it was more so emotional then physical (I just don't have the time to write it down). I knew the signs I should have trusted my instincts. To the IMs suffering any form of domestic violence. Please reach out. Please do somethjng. You aren't usuless, it isn't love to be treated that way, to be called a bitch Is NOT acceptable and to feel stuck in hell is not living. Please, have some respect. Ira not too late. Take the first step. Turn your phone off, go somewhere place, put protection in place. You will thank yourself, maybe not straight away, but years down the track I guarantee you won't look back.