Put quite simply, my friend cheats on fiancé on at least a weekly basis. Do I let it be known before the wedding or just leave it. Friend has been caught out but fiancé not so much let's it slide, just continues to stay in the relationship... and its because of that fact I debate with myself should fiancé know the whole truth or leave it be as they seem to be accepting knowing what they know?
4 Replies
I'd tell them to ease conscience but it could be that they have an open relationship if they know n don't care.
If it was me in your friends fiances position I would like to know. If they have an open relationship no one will be hurt but if not its going to be worse once they are married to get out of.
What person is "your friend" the friend or fiancé, cheating is wrong but I would never dob in a friend, you will lose their trust and their friendship. If they already know and haven't acted you telling them isn't going to change anything. I would maybe try talking to your friend and find out why their doing what they are see if they need help working through things. If you really feel you have to tell confront friend first and give them the opportunity to confess, often if put on the spot they will.....
People often shoot the messenger. If the fiancé knows/has known and has chosen to stay in the relationship, that is their choice. So if you say something, you need to do it knowing that you may still come out looking like "the bad one".
I really think the conversation needs to be had with your friend, but not in a "tell your fiancé or I will" scenario. I think it needs to be done as a friend, and you can't really tell her what to do (or demand to know why her fiancé isn't bothered) but you can see if she's ok and let it be known you're not comfortable with it.
We had a situation whereby a close friend was in an affair with a married woman. We didn't know the woman or her husband, only our friend. But he was constantly buying her really expensive gifts and wondering why she hadn't left the relationship yet. That was becoming an issue in our friendship so we had words with him and ended up moving forward with a "we don't want to know" understanding. He knew we didn't agree with the fact that a) he was throwing his money & energy into something that wasn't going to end well for him and b) that he was knowingly involved in an affair situation anyway. It was awkward for a couple of years as he continued to make bad relationship decisions but is now with a lovely (and baggage/husband free) girl. But when I say it was awkward I mean almost friendship ending so you have to be prepared for that possibility.