I'm 37 years old have a 2 year old and I'm pregnant. My boyfriend has been abusive lately calling me a fat mole, fat psycho c*** and last night he attacked me, punching me several times, I curled up in a ball in the corner of me bed and tried to kick him away so I only ended up with some bruises on my leg. I left and went to the park at midnight with my child and rang the domestic violence gateway and was on hold or over ten minutes so I left a voice message to be called back but never heard back I tried calling again and was on hold again for ages and my phone battery was getting too low so I left another message still never heard back and by 3am my son was hot and uncomfortable an I had no where to go an had to take him back to the house. I tried calling 1800respect today and again was on hold for over half an hour so left a message to be called back and nothing. I tried the online chat to counsellor and twice after waiting in the queue for ages I got disconnected and still have not got to talk to anyone. Is there really any service to help me or are they not real businesses cause I don't know why no one will talk to me. I called police assistance and she tried to talk me into going to the police station and reporting it but I am scared that will make things worse. And I have no where else to live, no savings, no family or friends that can help. The police assistance person said to get my Mum to take me to the police station, which made me think that they thought I was a youth and irresponsible to be in this situation. Please can anyone help me with who to contact to get help in Adelaide SA? A free councelling service? Cause I have no one to talk to. And a service to help me make a plan to leave? Also has anyone been through this in their late 30's? Am I childish for being with someone like this and it's my fault cause I should know better? How do I stop crying and be strong for my son and unborn daughter? Please help
Help needed to Leave a domestic violence relationship. Have others left successfully
Help needed to Leave a domestic violence relationship. Have others left successfully
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Behaviour
5 Replies
Definitely go to the police! That is the advice the police give to EVERYBODY in your situation. Yeah the services you called can get backed up, they are genuine and do want to help.
Going to the police can help, they can get you support. If you can go to your mums then do so. There is no shame in going to stay with family until you get back on your feet. My sister got out in Adelaide and I got out. You can do it.
You need to do whatever that keeps you safe and thats not staying.
I am going through this Aswell so please know your not alone. :( I am almost 25 and have 2kids and my parents dont support me leaving so I find it hard to leave without them Helping me emotionally. They want me to work it out and make me feel guilty For wanting to escape. I am trying but he wont get help. He Blames me. Anyway.
Basically you can call your local domestic violence shelter. You need to organise a safety plan first. If he knows your leaving your in alot of danger. this means he is losing control of you and he wont cope. So do not let on to him you are. Just act how you normally would and speak with the professionals first. Make your plan. Stay somewhere safe After where he wont look. Leave when you know he is at work or not around. If not make sure the police are there when you leave. Get your photos together. your valuables. Birth certificate. Bank details etc... together. If you can without him noticing.
But we both need to do this with experienced domestic violence counsellours. The safety plan. I have researched so much trying to convince myself it isnt happening and all the signs are there. It is.
I have told myself I have to call the police next time. I just have to its best to have it on record. Will I. I dont know but I am telling myself it will help me if I have called them out in the past if I need it on record. My partner stops me from leaving the house. He has bruised me whilst holding my arms and twists them. He threatens. Pushed me.And I am sure you know all to well. I know he is working his way up to pulling my hair. he mucks around and tugs it. I am so scared to call the police. But again I have too. We have too. Its wrong! And its going to get worse. Always does it infront of the kids.
Also I have a local womens centre in my closest city. They mainly deal with domestic violence also.
GOODLUCK XX
I have been there... You and this poster can get through this! You will come out a survivor - not a victim. Once you are free I can 100% guarantee you will NEVER look back! Also it is really important to be on your own for a long while after. For me I needed to reflect on why I felt I deserved to be treated like that and why I let him take everything I had including my dignity, self respect and the basic right to be me and make my own choices! Not to mention imposing himself onto me physically in anger. Women can bare insurmountable pain but the hardest part is taking the first step... Makes me so sad that I am not the only one that has been or is going through this :-( take care and stay safe ladies! You deserve freedom...
I'm so sorry that you have experienced this. Big hug.
Domestic violence is never the victims fault. You did not cause this to happen and you are not in control of his actions. You are a strong and beautiful woman who is reaching out for help.
If you want to leave you can call SA service Crisis Care https://www.sa.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0011/6995/After-Hours-Crisi... - it's a real service.
If this happens again you can always call for police assistance. You do not need to make a police report if you don't want to or feel that you can't, but you are still entitled to police support. If you ever find yourself in the park with a low battery on your phone, you can contact the police (they actually have special Community Police officers) who have experience with supporting and assisting people through domestic violence crisis and referring to appropriate services).
What suburb or area south/east/north/west are you in? Each part of adelaide has a seperate DV service that you can contact during the day ie put western domestic violence service in google.
Alternatively even without being in receipt of centrelink payments you can visit the centrelink social worker who can support you and refer you to domestic violence support
Hi I live in southern suburbs adelaide you can come to my place if you are stuck and I have friends very willing to help out too, I live detached granny flat with my two year old and have 2 teens living in main house so we are packed to the rafters but I can help you temporarily if this happens again plus my best friend works for sapol and knows what services to go too and how to get emergency assistance, financial etc and she will definitely help you having fled violent relationship herself in past, as I have 6 months ago. Please dont hestitate to contact me - I left my thread on your post on facebook so you can go to my profile and msg me anytime xox stay safe