Hubby and I have two boys 4 and 2 . Hubby is set that he's done ! He has valid points that we can do more ( holidays / activities ) with only 2 kids that we are just getting our life back and money would be tight . I agree but that's what my head says not my heart. I desperately want another baby ! I feel you can't put a price on a child . However in worried that maybe it's because I want a girl ? I know if I had a boy I wouldn't regret it one bit as a child is a child. . And also I feel like I would always want to keep having babies espesially if it was a boy . Inm scared if I have another bub I will still want more and want ever want to stop . I use to want 6kids! Has anyone felt like their not finished and had another baby and then felt finished ? Is 3 kids a huge jump from 2 financially and emotionally? Is it fair to "fall pregnant" when only one party wants it ? I feel like it's not fair he gets to call all the shots- I Know he would love another baby at the end of the day .
6 Replies
It's not fair to fall pregnant if only one of you wanted it. It's not fair on your partner, it's not fair on the unborn child, it's not fair on the children you already have. Yeah there are some couples that make it through it but there are other couples that don't! Why put that stress on your family. What is so special about 6 kids? What do you think there is about 6 kids that you aren't getting now? What is not fulfilling you about having 2?
Would you be ok if medically you or hubby couldn't have anymore?
Time to examine your own motivation. Perhaps see a counsellor to help you get to the bottom of this.
As someone who has been through a surprise pregnancy with someone who didn't want it, it was an awful stressful experience. Not that magical event that people have in there mind. It is not something I would deliberately put my family through.
We had two kids a girl and a boy, I felt like our family wasn't complete, hubby didn't want anymore. I asked him to think about it for 6 mths and then we would see again. After 6 mths he thought about it and decided he wanted another aswell. After our 3 rd was born he volunteered for alittle surgery and got a vesectomy. Now our 2 nd little boy is here our family feels complete. I love being pregnant and love the little baby stage but also am happy with 3.
My sister wanted a third baby, her hubby didnt. She 'accidentally' fell pregnant. Hes still pissed about it 6 yrs later. Of course he loves their child but everything he said came true-the financial part, the extra stress, bigger car, bigger house etc.
Maybe leave it for a year then see how you feel. 3 is alot. But of course the rewards are worth it. I often look at mums of 2 kids and think 'gee you've got it easy!'
You do need to be smart financially about it too, as any keyboard warrior will tell you 'if you cant afford to have kids dont have them'
I really do think it should be a joint decision either way. He shouldnt get to call the shots and neither should you. Talk to him and find out his reasons why and then have a discussion on ways to overcome those problems. If you *really* want another baby he should be understanding and supportive of you (providing you can financially afford to)
I know how u feel, I myself have 6 kids and I would still love to go back for more, Hubby says no we are done, I get that we have to draw the line somewhere but I'm not sure the longing will go away just yet. I would never have an "accident" tho, not fair on either party. And I totally get your longing for a girl but if you keep going till you have a girl who knows how many you will end up with!!
I did notice the jump from 2 to 3 kids. He is right about the financial side of things. Swimming lessons for all three alone, send us broke. We didn't need a bigger car - we made do. We didn't 'need' a bigger house - we made do. But I've love a bigger car and house, haha. Everything is cramped. Juggling it all, especially when number 3 is a baby is difficult if you have one or two in school. Once you're in the 'homework and reader' years, things start to become more stressful in the evenings. I found having a screaming baby during witching hour, while trying to help older ones with homework etc nearly sent me to breaking point. BUT, my youngest is nearly 3. Things are getting somewhat easier. When he's in school, I imagine the 'ease' of two will come back again. I wouldn't change it for the world. But definitely think about all of these things.
We had 2 beautiful girls, but didn't feel as though we were finished adding to our family. When we were lucky enough to fall pregnant with our third, it felt as though we were complete. Money was tight for a little while, but we adore our little boy, and he brings all of us so much joy!