Hi ladies, it's been a while since I have asked anything. I am having an issue with my partner that is keeping me up at night. We have been together 4 yrs, have a 2 yr old together and an almost 8 yr old that my partner had taken on as his own. He is really a great guy, with the biggest heart you will ever find. And I do love him, you can't come in contact with a heart like his and not.
The problem is I can't rely on him. Like for normal day to day stuff. He has been doing the budget for the last 6 mnths, I just found out that we are behind in rent and the elec bill. I don't know how anything else is. We are on good money, there is no reason on earth to miss rent!! And when I asked him, he wasn't sure!! How can you not be sure about rent?!?! If this was a one off, I wouldn't be so deeply disappointed and hurt. This type of thing has happened so so many times! And there is other things, that really on their own are nothing. Things like even after all this time he still doesn't clean our daughters bum properly, so she ends up with uti's. He wants to do it, which is great!! But how many times can you explain something? Reading to our son and getting him to read, been over it a thousand times, my partner shows him clips on utube instead! Our son has massive issues with reading! I am always always repeating everything I say, like always!! Doesn't matter how important or not, how calmly, or loudly I say things, it just doesn't seem to connect. We also have a pretty big load to handle, with sick parents, our son has serious learning difficulties, my partner works away for a month at a time, I have mental health issues, we left all of our furniture to move home and have to start again, the list is kind of endless. So when I can't rely on him, everything ends up on me, I have to fix everything, arrange what needs doing, everything! I think I am starting to become resentful. I have contemplated leaving, but this man loves the ground I walk on! How the hell do I move past all of this, learn to just accept it and keep the respect and trust I had for him? He has also been amazing at other times, like when I was in labour with our daughter, he was incredible! But then, when I got really sick after labour, he fell apart, yelled at me in hospital. And I had to try and prop him up from my hospital bed! I get that stress stuffs people up, I know it does to me, but there are times that you just can't fall apart, some balls you can't drop, like rent!! I seem to just be getting angrier. We were doing well for a little while, our relationship was getting better, but now, I just feel like I have been dropped back in a black hole. Please, tell me things can get better, that he will learn, or that I will stop resenting not being able to share the load. How? How do I move past this? Am I being petty? Sorry for the length, fairly lost at the moment.
3 Replies
I think the only way to live with someone like this is to suck it up and accept you have to be responsible for everything. But honestly he sounds like he has some real problems. I'd be making sure I was working, earning my own money so I didn't have to rely on him at all. Because with this guy you are a sole parent but with an extra child (in the form of a partner).
A partner should be a partner, you should be able to trust that they will hold it together at the right times. It's quite possible he has some disabilities that haven't been fully acknowledged. But HE needs to seek help for those things.
Honestly though I've seen plenty of relationships break up because it is exhausting!
Do you have any suspicions he may be taking drugs? Money issues, emotional issues and not being able to connect, maybe he's doing stuff behind your back. I was married to a man who took lots of hardcore drugs and was unaware until after the marriage failed.
No, there is no drug issues. He can't keep his job if there were any substance issues.