Hi All,
I just got my results for my 12 week scan!! I have 1:198 chance of the baby having downs!! Its my third pregnancy and I am only 26 so I am a bit shocked at the results as they are a lot higher than with either of my other pregnancy!
We are getting an appointment with a specialist to discuss what to do next! My partner is not coping tho.. he has completely shut down on me! He said he didnt want a child with down syndrome but he knows me well enough that I would never consider a termination! I dont know what to say to him to comfort him!
Has anyone else had high risk results and how to my partner and I find a way to support each other?
Down Syndrome Risks!!
Down Syndrome Risks!!
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Pregnancy
5 Replies
Be understanding of your partner, sympathetic. I can understand where your partner is coming from, I can also understand where your coming from. I don't think many people decide to have a baby hoping it will have a medical condition or a disability. I certainly wasn't planning on having a child with autism and intellectual disability. Unfortunately there are no guarantees in life even if your unborn child gets through the pre birth tests with an all clear. I think it's natural to be shocked as people have a tendency to deep down inside think these things 'happen' to other people.
I think your attitude to children with differences is improved by exposure and knowledge.
He is probably feeling like a bit of an arse too. Give him some space, after the doctors appointment and you know more, then open the discussions then. Try and get him to understand that you are opening to listening and understanding his point of view. Try and keep an open mind to the options either way. Don't get me wrong I love my son but your life totally changes, moves in a different direction when you have a child with differences and bit everyone is equipped to deal with those changes.
We had our now 7 year old when I was only 25. We had a 1:3 chance of DS. Came as a shock to us but we discussed what we wanted to do. During our scans we found out that she didn't have any heart conditions which is fantastic.
Although many DS children have many medical complications there are still many who go through their life with no medical conditions at all.
We found everyone around us, even people we didn't know, are so supportive of our decision to keep her.
As for ways to support each other, all I can suggest is just like every other pregnancy and child, Things will be different. You will still need to help each other when times get tough but still have time to yourselves. Perhaps do some research on Down syndrome for your partner, on both the "good" and the "bad". A lot of people fear what they don't know or understand.
We would not change our decision if we could go back in time :)
Maybe remind him that this is a 197/198 chance of NOT having downs. Even if you're one of the lucky few who hits that jackpot - each and every child is going to provide new and varied challenges to its parents, no matter what "condition" they're born with. Every family I've known with a DS kid talks about the joy they bring to those around them.
It's just a risk percentage and only 0.5% at that. I know people that had a 1:2 risk % and baby was fine! Don't let the numbers scare you
Give your partner time - I find that men take things on very quickly, but they need time to process their thoughts before they are willing to talk. Thankfully there are another 6 months for him to get used to the idea. Don't let statistics bully you into making a bad decision. Sometimes a specialist will tell you to terminate, because you can then 'try for another' , but no child will ever replace the one you are carrying right now. Don't let anyone talk you into something you don't want, because you, and only you, will pay the ultimate price in the end.