I am at a loss. I have 3 daughters 10, 4 and a baby. I don't have much of a relationship with my 10 year old and I sometimes hate my 4 year old. I yell all the time and get easily frustrated and infuriated. My 4 year old is always naughty and hard work, I just can't stand the sight of her anymore.
I am on a mental health plan but I don't think the psych is really doing much, but I have only had 2 sessions and about to have my third.
I just feel like I don't enjoy my children, I absolutely adore my baby but love it when she is asleep otherwise she is into everything when awake.
I also have a stepson who I have very little tolerance for but there is a long history there and I don't trust him.
I have a fabulous hubby who I am madly in love with and he is such a gentle soul.
I don't know what I am asking for here, but have any other mothers experienced what I feel? I see my friends having girly dates with their daughters, this just doesn't appeal to me. I would rather go have lunch or a hot chocolate or get my nails done alone.
Don't enjoy being a mum
Don't enjoy being a mum
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids
6 Replies
Ill start with the obvious, it takes way more than 2 psychologist appointments to see improvements in most cases even if your doing the set homework religiously. So hang in there, they aren't magicians but if you work it and keep going it works. If you were offered medication and you aren't taking it, take it. Or return to your GP to see about if medication could help. Tell your psychologist how you are feeling about your kids.
We ALL love our children more when they are asleep! Kids are bloody hard work, especially when your struggling with mental health issues. Being a Mum is hard work and babies get into everything and it can be bloody annoying to say the least.
Unfortunately kids don't have the maturity to make things better so we have to do that. So here is my advice, stick your two youngest in daycare for one or two days a week, because they need to go have fun, burn off some energy, be with other kids and you will be a way better mummy for having a break. It will give you a chance to get some things organised around the house (put child locks so the baby doesn't have access to stuff, put baby gates up, anything to make your life slightly easier and less stressful).
It will also give you more energy to be a fun parent and not so reactive because when we get into the cycle our kids behaviour just gets worse.
Secondly don't mistake other peoples facebook lives for real life. Yeah they went on a girly date but I bet that mum is also the kind of mum who has time away from her kids to rest. I know I enjoy kid time way more when I have had time to go to the hairdresser on my own etc.
Thirdly consider why your 4 year old is being so naughty is because she doesn't have much fun in, is it because its the way she gets attention or is there something else going on? Consider if your daughter needs her own psychologist.
And lastly not everyone is meant to be a mum and Im not saying thats you. You had three children so I think this is about your mental state rather than not genuinely wanting or enjoying being a mum. You can get the love back. If you genuinely believe you can't though put the baby and 4 year old in as much child care as possible and consider going back to work.
Perfectly said! Agree with all this advice, please take it xxx
Thank you for the advice, the baby is in daycare two days a week and the four year old starts kinder next week and will be attending on the same days that I work. I am thinking of putting them both in for 1 extra day every month, just so I have a day to myself to look forward to. I have just joined the gym and that's great for getting me out of the house. My Dr flat out refuses to give me medication even though a counsellor has recommended it. I just haven't clicked with this psych but its early days but she hasn't really given me any suggestions or homework. I live in a regional area so its hard to see a psych regularly and I can't change GP's, my GP was great but she is getting quite 'it will be ok' attitude and I am frustrated with her too.
Definitely put them in daycare the extra day. Even one extra day a week. Better having a happy mum happy kids than being at home and getting on each other's nerves!
If the GP is being so nonchalant about it all, and the psych isn't really helping, maybe ask around about a good psych in your area and just ask the GP to write a referral to that psych. I've found gps to be really crap at mental health issues.
I interview my gps to see if I connect with them and vice versa!! Works a treat especially when you walk in and say right, this is what I'm looking for in a gp, are you it or do I need to keep looking!!