Our 23 year old daughter just told me she's pregnant. I want to be happy for her but struggling due to only meeting her partner 3-4 times over the 10 months they have been together. I feel sad but happy at the same time. Thing is her step dad (my husband) is so mad about it, he just keeps saying 'I cant believe she throwing her life away like this' and 'she's just stupid'.... This hurts me big time, I feel she has done quite well considering how many teenage mums there are out there! She hasn't lived at home for the last 5 years and is very independent. She doesn't rely on us at all yet her step dad is just so mad! We only found out this news 2 days ago and already it has caused stress in the marriage due to the way he's dealing with it. He thinks they are crazy for wanting to keep the baby and nothing I say changes his mind. I tell him it's not his decision yet he's so upset and mad! He's been in her life since she was 13 years old and has been a real father figure to her. We have a 5 year old son together, both in our early 40's so wondering if he's freaking out about being a grandparent so young??? Any advise? Does it get better??
13 Replies
What the heck? Your daughter is 23? What is his problem! She is an adult and it sounds like she is in a steady relationship, it is completely her choice to have a child.
I was 20 when I accidentally fell pregnant to a guy I had only know 4 months. We have been together 3 years now and have a beautiful 18mo together. Wouldn't change it for the world. Having a child has definitely made me re think my priorities in life and really grow up. I think I have become a better person.
When I informed my dad I was pregnant he wouldn't accept it and said to me 'Where is your partner? Why isn't he manning up and telling me this'. And every time we would get together he would say to my partner 'Don't you have something to tell me?!' My dad was mad about me being pregnant. But do you know what, its my body, my choice! Because my dad acted like such a dick we were uncomfortable being around him for much of my pregnancy and we avoided him. Your partner had better be careful what he says to his ADULT daughter or she will shut him out.
Im sorry, she is 23 not 13! He needs to wake up to himself. Another 10 years and her fertility will be declining. Yeah thats right she will be already heading into the towards the too old bracket. When my grandfather behaved badly when I got pregnant at 20 my dad gave him a really hard talking to. He said if you put me in a position to choose, I choose my daughter EVERYTIME. That shook my grandfather up and I can honestly say he has been in my cheer squad for a long time now.
You need to ask your husband what exactly he expected her to achieve before she had children? If your husband start behaving like a grown up about this he is going to have to get out.
Can I just say that I got pregnant at 20, to a partner who was 16 years my senior and been tier her only a few months.
We are now married 7 years on and 3 kids later living happily.
It took my parents a long time to adjust but they did :) I'd say give him time, but if he continues to be an ass give him a swift kick up the butt
Wow!!
He needs to grow up! Having a child is NOT throwing her life away! She is 23 not a child! I fell pregnant at 17 to a man 15 years my senior granted our relationship didn't work out and I am now married to a man 10 years my senior. But NEVER have I looked at my son or subsequent children and thought I threw my life away!
I am now expecting a grandson from my beautiful step daughter who is 22 and not once have I thought about her throwing her life away!
Id say it makes him feel old.
When i was 23 i was married with 3 children. And that was only 10 yrs ago.
Stand beside your daughter as she will need her mum, and give hubby some space- he will calm down and come around eventually.
Just remember at the centre of all this is a beautiful baby, and when that baby comes you will all forget what you were upset for.
Im turning 23 got married last year after I fell pregnant with #1 my husband said that if I ever fell pregnant to him that he wants to get married before the child is born. We where only together 3 months before I fell pregnant to him and we got married a week and a half before he was bornbest thing that has ever happened.
I think your husband may be protective of your daughter as hes been her father figure since 13 and he wants the best of the best for her but he also should sit down and think about being a grandfather. He also might be scared that because you 2 have a 5 year old son together and there will be a new one to the family and he probably doesn't know how he will cope.
You know, it is very fresh, and i think you need some compassion and understanding for your husband. He obviously loves your daughter very much and we don't know what kind of plans he thought about for her, a career, travel, marriage even! She may not be a teenager but she is still so young. Yes children are wonderful and yes, you wouldnt change having them but they are bloody hard work and you have to give up a lot! Maybe he is grieving that for his daughter. maybe he is upset that he doesnt know her partner well and hasnt been given the opportunity to find out if he is worthy of your daughter! maybe he is upset that your daughter is growing up and he doesnt feel like he is a part of it. i dont know, but i do know that if he didnt care about her at all then he would not be angry, he wouldnt be bothered! It is just his way of dealing with it, so please cut him some slack! don't let it get between your relationshop, let him know that you understand his point of view, and that you will be there to support her and just give him time. Chances are he will be struggling with his feelings and articulating them to you. I don't know, just a different point of view. -
I am 26 with two beautiful children. I had my first child at 23. At that age, I had already travelled the world on my own, forged a successful career, lived in a different state from my family, made lasting friends and basically LIVED and LEARNT a lot more than people 10 years my senior. I worried about being so young, giving up my lifestyle, and having regrets, but I was mentally and emotionally ready to raise a child. And I have the added bonus of youthful energy to play with my children. Your daughter will be fine.
She is 23. Not 14. She is independent and even if the relationship with her and her partner doesnt work out she seems like she would do just fine as a single mum. I did it solo at 19. Now own my own house and have another baby and another on the way. He needs to back off and I hope he doesn't get irate in front of her.. this is supposed to be a great experience being a first time mum. Don't let him ruin it for her
He'll come around...hopefully before the baby is born! My father didn't talk to me for 6 months when I found out I was pregnant 18.5 years ago, at the age of 22! Granted I had only been with my partner for 4 or 5 months but I had been independent, had a good job and had travelled overseas by then! He eventually came around and his first granddaughter is not the apple of his eye...and has been since the day she was born. She can do no wrong in his eyes! Give your husband time, it will all work out in the end!
Your daughter is an adult, her decision!
He has no right to be so angry about it. Tell him to pull his head in. Acting like a complete jerk, and if he keeps it up I am sure it will create a divide between you and your daughter.
Is that something you want with a grandchild on the way. Probably not.
He is really over reacting.
Similar situation here
Step father been in my life since I was two
Pregnant at 17 to a guy I'd known 3 years, been together for a few months
Step father had a freak out, mum was supportive.
guy who I was pregnant to said I was to have an abortion or he was leaving, well he left and step father followed soon after(said he couldn't handle the stigma of a teenage daughter having a baby out of wedlock) Four years on I'm single, self supporting and very happy and ,my mum is now living with an extremely loving guy
Hope everything works out for you and your daughter
i don't think he need to grow up i believe he is having a hard time accepting that his daughter even if she is a step daughter is pregnant. I was 22 when my parents became grandparents and im sure they thought the same kind of thoughts but maybe didn't verbal say them give him time and as this child grows i am sure he will become fond of him or her. It could be he had high expectation and thought she was going have a career first. If all has calmed down maybe ask him to talk with out yelling and getting to upset and explain to you why he feels like this. The most amazing part is you get to spoil this little unlike anyone else and it there will be only the first grandchild born once and does he really want to miss out on that wonderful experience and life together on something he feel now but wont in 9 mths. I hope i have been helpful Good luck on your new chapter in your lives of being Grandparents