Hello IMs,
1st i just want to say i think its amazing to have such an amazing support network.
I am struggling with my relationship a week ago my partner got physical and left bruises on me. I can say he didnt mean to do it.. neither of us relised he hurt me that bad until the following day.
The problem is i cant forget and move on i feel like i am just pretending to be happy until it happens again. If i say i want out he threatens to kill himself or burn our house down.
I know its abuse and i know im an idiot for still being here.. but we have a child and im trying to make everything work for him.
Im sorry im not sure what my question is. I just dont know what to do and i feel alone and helpless.
5 Replies
Staying in an abusive relationship is not the best thing for your child. What your teaching your child by staying is that this behaviour is acceptable and women should be treated this way. So if your child is a girl by you staying she has a higher chance of being in an abusive relationship herself you are teaching her this is what a relationship should look like.
If you have a boy your teaching him this is how he should treat women. Really not a good idea. The only person that can change your partners behaviour is HIM so if he isn't doing everything (seeing a psychologist and following through on his homework) this situation is 100% doomed for getting worse!
You shouldn't be getting past this you should be planning your exit. You should be getting counselling yourself and talking to domestic violence support groups in your area so you can make a safe plan to leave. What he does when you leave is his issue. Most of these guys are all talk when it comes to committing suicide as they are just trying to manipulate you into staying.
Hi I am also in a similar situation to you. Now I have also just realised the same it is abusive but I still love him and I have kids also. Now for me to give you advice is really hard because I am not really doing what I should. I have gone to my gp and I am getting free sessions with a psychologist. I decided last night to seek help from a domestic violence proffessional because i want a safety plan ready incase i need to get out fast. I have hidden a car key and i have also put am emergency sos text message that sends to my mum if i click the side of my phone 3 times. :( say!! It takes a short recording and sends my cordinates. Also I cant help this but to stop me from getting losing myself again I find I am constantly trying to research about it. I am reading up all the different personality disorders. Last night I came across Ross Rosenberg on youtube. Very interesting. I dont expect you to do all that I am. But I wish you all the best and hope we stay safe. Living in fear is truely exhausting x
I was in a situation with my hubby yrs ago. He would drink with his old school friends and still make out he was "the man" & carried on when he drank. I called him on his behavior while he was drunk and locked him out and he got violen trying to get in. The next day there were flowers and chockes and tears of fear. He didnt didnt hit me that night but something he threw did. He was devistated. A few yrs on he had a big night and we had our son by then. He was drunk i was tired he was sprawled across the bed and wouldnt move. We had a friends daughter staying with us. I asked him to move over he called me all sorts of words and told me if i touched him again he would hit me I poked the bear. I spoke nicely and said it was me and to move over and that i needed to get into bed he rolled me pushed me so i pushed back he got up in a rage and pushed me and i laid into him because no one does that to me and gets away with it. But taking on an agro sleepy drunk bear I came off second best. I took photos of the dealings and took time off work until my face healled and he was remorseful. Since then my hubby doesn't mix his drinks he is beer only. Or a couple of whiskeys and then bed. We have lost contact with our toxic friends and We havent had a problem since. He knows i will react he i know he will. He says the worst days of his life was seeing me hurt. Which is big considering his childhood wasn't great. You can get past it. It takes time. People have to learn. I weighed up all the good days of our life and the 2 bad days and knew we could work it out. If you have more bad days then run if its a once of thing then he is probably very very scared of losing the best thing in his life.
Sounds similar to my situation except when I say I want to leave he physically blocks me from getting near the children and has told me on many occasions if I left he would find and kill me. I have no doubt he would be able to find me no matter where I go. Hiding is only made harder by the fact that we have children together. Everyone talks about these resources to protect people but he would need to cause me some serious physical damage before there'd even be a chance he would go to prison and then one day he'll be out, what then?
I feel your pain, you are not alone. If he was only threatening himself or property I would 100% leave in my situation.
It hurts me to see this. I have no idea what mine is capable of anymore! I am not the poster just another mum thats scared for her kids safety. I agree. Its so much easier to cut off contact but with kids. Its so hard. I have been threatened with my life and held back from leaving the house and bruises left on my arms. I hate living in fear and feeling like I am worthless and just an object.