Hi Ims,
Just after some advice. See what you would do in this circumstance.
Will try and keep this as simple as possible, so ill do dot points.
(I was pregnant for the beginning and a baby at the end)
1. My husbands neice lives with us.
2. Met a guy in dating website seemed great at first.
3. He was an emotional abuser (i think thats what they're called) always needing to feel loved, if he didnt feel loved, it was her fault, etc etc..
4. They broke up (after 7 weeks)
(Found of she was pregnant)
5.she had a medical abortion
6.she had the Mirena coil when she fell pregnant.
7. The baby didnt leave her body as the mirena made it stay
8. I dragged her to hospital she was septic as baby was in her for 4 days.
9. Was in there for a week.
10. While she was in there he sent her abusive texts, snapchats of him screwing other chicks, (a real catch i know )
11. Goes to counceling, seems to get better.
Fast forward 6 months.
12. Meets another guy.
13. Turns out this guy knew her ex (the "catch")
14. The ex continues to harrass her *slut, whore* etc etc.
15. Breaks up with new guy to find she was having a miscarriage to the new guy, tells the new guy what happened, he tells the ex.
16. He once again starts harrassing her. Threats, abuse, just plain nasty stuff.
17. She tries to kill herself. (OD on some sort of tablet for depression)
18. I find her.
19. Once again take her to hospital.
20. Once again in with her as much as i could (keeping in mind i had a new born at the time of the OD)
21. Goes to counciling.
22. Figure she needs to sit with ex number 1 to get over her "issues"
23. This happens
24. They're now back together. .. as he has "changed"
Now, my problem is, I've told her, i dont want him in my house, more so, i dont think they will last and am hoping they break up (horrible, i know) she keeps pressuring me to let him in "things are going well, hes really changed" all of those bells and whistles. And the more she tries to force it the longer its going to take.
Basically, after all of what this (for the fact i'm trying to refrain from using profanities) Jerk, has done to her, and what she's been through, am i overreacting by not wanting him here. Knowing full well, that when and if the shit hits the fan ill be the one picking up the pieces. . Again.
They still see each other, she's in her 20s and drives, i don't put my nose in where it doesnt belong, but this is my home and my child has to be subjected to this also. My husband and i both agree, but just asking for 'outsiders' views.
Thanks ladies.
P.s. we can't kick her out, as she would be homless.
4 Replies
Although hard I would give him a second chance, have him over and see if he really treats her the way she says he does. I would also be inclined to have a honest chat to him and let him know you are not happy about the situation but will give him a second chance and the first sign of the past behaviour your support comes to an end. I would also get another form of birth control, mirena doesn't seem to work for your niece. Good Luck
He knows to well how i feel. But hes a very smooth talker. And i dont want to fall for his crap again.
I do see your point though. Thankyou
Um you can kick her out, she would find somewhere like other people her age. Share house or otherwise. Do I believe you should kick her out Im not sure, but you can!
I would put some conditions on her staying eg 1. goes to see a psychologist and follows the treatment plan (not a counsellor as they don't have very much training at all and aren't trained to pick up any underlying conditions). 2.That when the boyfriend visits he follows the house rules (that you set down) 3. If she doesn't follow those rules she has 4 weeks to find a new place to live
I would not allow him in my home.However, i would get to know him in a more open and public setting (pub for dinner, bowling, beach, etc) for quite some time and observe his behaviour over a number of settings (after work when its stressful for example) to see if he has turned over a new leaf.
I would not allow him into my home until HE has proven HIMSELF...not his girlfriend proving him. Does she not forget the snapchats...?? This man is capable of ALOT...always be wary of him...dont let your guard down, but do allow them to "appear" down