Hi
I left my husband last year and i am now by myself with the 3 children all under 5.
Although I am finding things extremely difficult at present I am trying to be strong but I have no family and only a small amount of people I trust around me.
Recently I found out that my ex husband incorrectly submitted a annual income to centre link and then after lodging his tax return it's been assessed and apparently we were paid more than what we should have at the time I had no bank account it was going to his account as he controlled everything but since leaving I opened my own account but have been advised as the benefit was in my band I have to for see the debt if over $4000. For him getting paid more and the chances of me getting anything from him are unlikely.
Not only that I'm struggling to find it in me to stop my ex seeing the kids even though he makes my life difficult by not paying CSA and after all he is their dad but I feel he is still controlling me in some ways.
He sees the children monthly but in the man time I'm finding I am getting emotionally stressed financially stretched I went to see my go who suggested a mh plan but I would still have to pay a $60 gap fee and money is so tight I can't afford the counselling.
I am just at a loss all the time and now I don't no what to do anymore my mood is always up and down.
My children's behaviour is totally out of control and I don't mean biscuit crumbs on the carpet I mean drawing on walls breaking things in the house which I rent.
I just don't know waft to do anymore.
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4 Replies
Go to centre link and explain the situation tell then you will seriously struggle with day to day living expenses if you have to pay this back. Work out with then an amount you can afford even if it's 5 dollars a week. Also organise child support to come directly out of ex's pay before he even gets it. Just remember children can smell weakness and if your stressed and worried which no doubt you are they will play up to that .
I believe you can go on a payment plan with Centrelink, so you only have to pay a smaller amount at the time. Don't be afraid to explain your financial issues with the doctor, as they maybe able to help you access a few counselling sessions for free & also talk to your counsellor because in extreme financial cases I'm sure they would bulk bill & there are also community counselling sessions that are free (places such as centre care in wa)
As for ex get CSA to collect on your behalf, it may take awhile to get $'s but they will come or he'll end up with a debt & you'll get a portion of his tax return to cover the debt.
Go through mediation to organise a parenting plan & if you really don't feel safe dealing with him (depending where you live) there maybe a community service that offers supervised drop off/ pick up so you don't have to be anywhere near him & it's kept purely about the kids. Good luck mumma, do one thing at a Time & take it one day at a time. It's not an easy road but with time you'll be on your feet again.
I've also heard the triple P, positive parenting program can do wonders for you when your children are being 'little darlings'
I know some people may not agree with me but put the 3 kids into daycare either part time or full time depending on if you are going back to work. But allow at least one day a week kid free so you can go and do the shopping, run errands, prep meals for the week ahead and do the house work even 2 days a week. But look into getting a part time job it will put you into a better place financially, give you more self confidence and you will feel more in control of your hectic life. Returning to work as a single mum of 2 for me was a life saver and allowing a day were I had time to get everything done was essential especially when you have no family help. If you have to pay the Centrelink debt, pay it and move on its not worth causing more stress to your life. As for the ex try not to think about it I know it's hard but it's not worth the stress in your life. Get CSA to handle everything when it comes to child support. One less worry for you. And don't start fights with your ex and don't respond to him starting fights with you (I know it's hard not to) and be fair when it comes to your ex having time with the kids. You will know that you are doing the right thing. Good luck mumma. Have the confidence to turn you life around and be in control of your on life. You can do it!!
I know some people may not agree with me but put the 3 kids into daycare either part time or full time depending on if you are going back to work. But allow at least one day a week kid free so you can go and do the shopping, run errands, prep meals for the week ahead and do the house work even 2 days a week. But look into getting a part time job it will put you into a better place financially, give you more self confidence and you will feel more in control of your hectic life. Returning to work as a single mum of 2 for me was a life saver and allowing a day were I had time to get everything done was essential especially when you have no family help. If you have to pay the Centrelink debt, pay it and move on its not worth causing more stress to your life. As for the ex try not to think about it I know it's hard but it's not worth the stress in your life. Get CSA to handle everything when it comes to child support. One less worry for you. And don't start fights with your ex and don't respond to him starting fights with you (I know it's hard not to) and be fair when it comes to your ex having time with the kids. You will know that you are doing the right thing. Good luck mumma. Have the confidence to turn you life around and be in control of your on life. You can do it!!