I'm being told that I have a problem and I'm crazy. I'm with my partner of 4.5 yrs. been living together for 2. My teenage son lives with us. Writing this down makes me feel even more stupid... After the first 18 mths he decided we needed a break. After this I found out that he'd been with someone else on and off for 12 mths ( someone from his school he met on fb messaging all the time) ... I was crushed but he'd been a childhood sweetheart. (Together at16 then caught up again after 25 yrs of not seeing each other..)
I don't quite know how but we still had contact and got closer again and he asked us to move in as he was sorry and wanted a life together. I believed everything, I'm sure he meant it too.. In the last 2 years there's been no regular sexlife as intimacy is only initiated if he's been drinking heaps.. He's too tired or in pain (hangover recovery) for anything if I try to initiate. I feel as if there's no love as he never comes to me for a cuddle. Only kiss I get is what I said I expected before we go to work.
2 months ago I became anxious as I felt we were drifting apart, I looked on his phone and he had been chatting to another couple women he knew from school ( not the first time either) . Telling one she's spunky goodnight smiley.. I'll buy you a drink if we see each other around.. Really flirty, I was heartbroken because he doesn't talk to me like this. He says there's nothing going on its just the alcohol talking. But in my eyes this is not on.
I've left twice and he talked me into coming back saying he'd give up the alcohol as its made him loose everything in life and doesn't want to loose me. He talked about counselling but now I'm back surprise surprise he's not wanting to do any of this. He said I'm the one with the problem and he can talk to anyone he likes as there's nothing in it. There's so many other issues but embarrassing and too much to write. I guess I'm just still looking for reassurance as in his eyes I have no reason to doubt him as I live with him now. Trust isn't that easy to earn back.
Going insane with anxiety.. Should I stay and try again or cut my losses and start afresh.
Going insane with anxiety.. Should I stay and try again or cut my losses and start afresh.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care
5 Replies
Oh sweetie, this is horrible for you! I know it can be so daunting to think about moving out but you need to ask yourself, can you live this way for the rest of your life? your relationship is still young, it should be in the 'honeymoon' stage still, but yet hes flirt texting other women. Im sorry, hes not going to change. He only wants you when he cant have you. You still have a life to live, and you can be happy.
My advice; move out, cut contact and do what makes YOU happy. I truly hope you find the strength to say 'no, this is not ok with me'. x
I decided to stay last time because with all this aside we enjoy going places all the time. We bike ride as a family, camp, hike very adventurous. We do have a great time bug I always say I could still have a great time doing this stuff with friends and I cant pretend that that's all worth staying for when I'm made feel so bad all the time.
I can reassure you that you know in your heart this man is no good for you, he is a cheater and is at it again, and above that, this relationship is no good for you. He doesn't love you, treat you, treasure you or respect you how you should be and could be if you didn't settle for less. I can reassure you that you will be fine, better than fine, alone and that there is a better relationship for you if you demand it for yourself and don't waste your time being heartbroken with less.
I could write so much on this but you know you need to leave. Good luck
O dear my love. I so hear you. Please you need to get away. This is not easy I know. It took me 7 years. May be I am still tainted still. But you need to value your own worth which I did not. If you would like to talk please pm me. X hugs to you my sweet