Depression and separating.

Yet another "is separating a good idea?" Question.
I care for my husband, and I don't just mean emotionally. He has suffered from chronic pain for 6.5 years, and chronic fatigue for 2 years prior to that. What this means is that he's on very serious pain relieving and sedating medications. They make him turn into a rude,
Impatient and mean guy. I've known him for 17 years, he wasn't like that before. I get that the meds interfere.
So, we had an "emphatic" and "emotional" "discussion" and he suddenly says that I have no idea the anger, bitterness and resentment he feels about his lack of interaction in the family and how I have to carry everything, he also said that his depression is getting worse right now (he was supposed to get the Christmas presents this year, his choice, but the flu and stuffed up medical issues have stopped that) and he's trying to cope with it.
I got mad and mean, he got mad and mean. It was ugly. I am not proud of myself. So I sent a message to him later (as I had to go out and didn't know if hed be awake when I returned as meds screw up his sleeping patterns) saying I'd not meant to hurt and I'm struggling too. I suggested he talk to someone and that we got to counselling together.
He hasn't spoken to me in two days. I tried and its all so Agro and mean. I try not to be but have no energy left after taking care of our kids.
We've been through a terrible time with his brother going to jail this year too. He's so angry he won't go near him (and rightly so might I add).
When he did talk to me today he threw off the idea we have issues,
I have issues. He deals with his stuff just fine, thanks, if I have a problem just go and deal with it.
I'm pretty fed up with this, but love him too much to just leave - not to mention that I can it bear the thought of hurting the children any more (they Lost contact with their cousins and my son won't watch or listen to anything that may be sad as "I don't want to hurt anymore please mum") but how can I continue and support a man who doesn't want support?
Is it the depression talking? I am confused, hurt and trying to really get a handle on what I want/need to do. I do not relish the idea of going it alone with 3 kids, but know I can if I have to. Feeling lost.
I guess I'm asking if anyone who's married/partnered/involved with someone who has depression,
Is this what you go through? Where can Carers get help? I've been part of "Carers" but it wasn't particularly useful.