Hi...All I am looking for advice and hopefully stories with good outcomes.I am in shock and feel hurt, anxious and gutted.I have just found out that my daughter who has only just turned 17 is pregnant and already about 14 weeks along to her "friend"....no boyfriend..
Of course my job is and I will be here to help and support her,but I am so worried about her future.I am scared that she will be judged by others,Im scared that she wont be able to handle the responsibility.Im heartbroken and dont think she realizes how hard life may be for her now...She has finished school and is working.
I would just like to hear from teenage mums about their experiences....thanks
teenage pregnancy
teenage pregnancy
Posted in:
Pregnancy
15 Replies
My parents were 18 when they had me. My mum was an awesome parent. Like really really awesome. In fact better than my friends mums who were much older. 17 isn't that young I know it's not the ideal but I was 20 when I had my son which is only three years older. I worked but I was very much a party girl. The day I found out I was pregnant I totally turned life around. I don't think there is a single person out there who would doubt my parenting skills and dedication.
I think there are some things that can be done to help prepare her. Like getting her around some babies at some point so she knows what to expect. I'd had a lot of experience baby sitting so at least had some knowledge and comfort level with babies and what it was like to be up all night with one!
I was 18. I thought it was the best thing ever, I'd be able to dress the baby up and take them for walks in the pram and we'd grow up together been best friends. Well boy was it a reality check for me when the baby was born. I couldn't handle the sleepless nights and the constant crying. I was still in a selfish mind set. I ended up with post natal depression and resented my baby for all the things I was missing out on. I had psychotic breaks due to sleepless nights. Money was hard (and still is hard). If it wasn't for extended family who knows what could have happend, I have grown up a lot since then and now I am a pretty amazing mum. I work hard and it has all worked out in the end. I had a friend though who also had a baby my age and she thrived she has been the best mum since the beginning. Ever young girl with react different to the responsibility, I think it's important she has a good understanding of what it will be like. I think you need to support her as much as possible. Good luck to her and to you. Xxx
I was 17 when I had my first baby. Should be known that I was an alcoholic, suffered ptsd and was at the time in a relationship with a man 15 years older than me and had been with him since I was 14.5. So I am by far a typical story of teenage pregnancy.
For me it was my saviour quite literally. My pregnancy was a shock to myself, partner, family and friends. I gave birth to a healthy baby boy 4 weeks prior to turning 18. I had stayed sober during my pregnancy and he became my reason to get up in the morning. I was scared I couldn't handle the responsibility however I became a Mum and my whole world got better.
I stopped drinking to excess I never felt like I missed out on the partying life (mainly cos I did it all long before he came along). It was hard being a teenage Mum but I wouldn't change it for the world he along with his siblings are simply my whole world.
The only advice I can give is simply to be there for your daughter. Let her know she has options (even if you don't agree with them) let her know you will stand by her no matter what. I assure you with love and support she will do fine. Keep an eye on her obviously since PND is very common in young Mums but let her choose her path. No one important is going to judge her. A person who judges her simply isn't worth her or your time and effort.
Hugs.
A couple of my friends were teenage friends (one at 15) they all went on to have successful lives, married with more children and happy the one that was pregnant at 15 is still with the father of the baby 25 years later (was Rocky in the beginning)
Just before I turned 18 I had my son, now almost 7 years later I am expecting my third in a few months and am happily married to my soul mate. She can't worry what other people think and neither should you. What she thinks of herself is all that matters and there is life after a baby as a teenager. I've spent 3 of the last 7 years working full time in the mining industry and this is where I met my husband. Wishing you all the very best, stay positive but remember you are her parent and not her friend....she needs a parent to learn how to be one :)
I was 15 when I fell pregnant. I am now 21 and have a 5 year old, 1 and a half year old and I am pregnant with #3. I won't lie, yes I struggled at times. But what mum hasn't? I am a young mum. I am no different than any other mum. I have done well and achieved no less than anyone else my age. Being a young mum has worked for me but it doesn't for everyone. I have had friends in the same situation and its destroyed them. They didn't cope and they couldn't handle the responsibility. What will be will be.. Just give her a huge amount of support so she knows she can come to you.
Id just like to say, you are a wonderful mother for being there for her and sticking by her. Wish my mother had been the same when I'd found out I was pregnant when I was younger.
Please, please, please, don't let your daughter go through with it. I was pregnant with my first son by 16 and had my second son when I was 18. Your daughter has so much potential, teen pregnancy doesn't always mean the father will be there. She has a whole world out there waiting for her. I have spoken to both my sons, who I love dearly about teenage pregnancy, and it's so bloody scary. I love my kids to the moon and back a million times but in saying that I want them to finish school, have a job, see the world and live comfortable (financially) to be able to bring a child into this world. She is still only a baby, I thought I could make all these grand decisions by myself, I was wrong. Here is hoping you both make the right decision.
I'm sorry you feel that way!!! She states that her daughter is 14 weeks pregnant, so not going through with might not be an option!!! I was 18 when I was pregnant with my son, and he is the best thing that's ever happened to me!!! I know people that have waited to have children that struggle more than I ever did as a single mum. I worked full time had a son in primary school and I was only 22!!! Just because you did it hard doesn't mean other mums will. I hope this young mum gets all the help she needs just like I did, she will be fine just like all the other woman 60 years ago that had their children in their teens. It was how it use to be done, have your children young. I wouldn't change it for the world!!!
The decision has to be hers to make.I can offer advise but I cant force her to terminate or adopt out her child.I have to respect her decision.I dont think there is a right or wrong thing to do.I do believe now that she will cope.Her life will be different to the one even she had planned for herself and this baby will be born into a family that will give him/her so much love and support.We have raised her to be strong and confident and believe now that this is not the end of her life or dreams,just simply a detour.....It takes a village to raise a child and luckily for her we are a large village.
my niece got pregnant at 16 turning 17 and unfortunately lost the baby (still born), her brothers girlfriend (he was 18, she was 16) got pregnant at the same time and had a successful pregnancy. Their son is now 1. They are no longer together and have had a very hard year working through visitation rights and legal problems but things have settled some now. However my brother/sister in law has the baby for the visitation and does all the pick up, drop off and most of the care (as another poster had mentioned, she gave too much from the start and is heavily relied upon). If your daughter is mature and still respects her need to be the main care giver, then I'm sure she will be able to be mature enough to build a good life for herself and her child. Good luck.
Only you know your daughter and how well
She will cope. I fell pregnant at 18 but chose to terminate. 14 weeks is quite far along though. I don't regret it, but it was the right decision for ME, especially as the 'father' was abusive. Good luck.
I had my first child at 18.and he was a very sick child and still is he has cystic fibrosis ..so not only was I having to do normal baby things ,I also had to do physio , give pills an. Spend loads of time in hospital.. it was the most scariest thing ever but I wouldnt change it ..I'm now 38 with 6 sons ..
Hey! I had just turned 18 when I fell pregnant. Had finished school and was working and taking a gap year befor uni. I had moved out of home too but wasn't far from mum and dad...
so I was scared. Crazy scared. I remember when I first saw those two pink lines I imagined my entire plans and future fading away. I remember my mum was so caring and so supportive and not once made me feel like a terrible person. I hadn't been with the father long and soon learned he was most definitely not the person I wanted to spend my life with. I left him when bubs was a few months old.
I was judged, I had people tell me I'd ruined my life, that I wouldn't be able to ever find a partner etc etc...
Well both those judgements were wrong and not those peoples right to make anyway. My beautiful baby boy was a blessing. He has given me so much happiness and I have strived to be an excellent mother and role model. Hes 4 now and incredibly smart! He has started reading and writing and doing maths. He is incredibly artistic and has the most beautiful caring loving heart. All that meet him adore him!
I did meet someone too. When my son was 1 years old and we are engaged, planning a wedding next year. He is an amazing dad and took on my little boy as his own. He loves my son so much.
So as for the responsibility of raising a child, there have been times where it's been hard, where I felt like a failure or been totally clueless, but I have been lucky to have an excellent supportive mum who would answer my worried phone calls at 10pm at night because my son had a snot nose lol or I wasn't sure how to dress him according to weather (I giggle at these now. It had nothing to do with age, all new mums can feel clueless at times)...but mum never made me feel stupid and she is always encouraging me and bragging to people about what an amazing mum I am and how well I am raising my son. People soon got over the fact I was younger.
I think all you can do for your daughter is let her know you are there but without taking over. One of my friends (who had a baby a few years after me) was able to attend bithing classes for young mums and she said that was great because everyone was in the same boat. Also check out young mum groups in your local area and playgroups. If she makes a good group of mummy friends it will make life so much easier for her. One thing I found hard was being the only mum in my group of friends and being a little forgotten and left out because I wouldn't go out drinking with them. It could and still can be isolating at times.
Its also not the end of her being able to have a career. My friend went to uni and took her newborn to lectures etc... it was harder when she had placement and stuff but her mum was awesome and looked after her baby for her during those times. Uni's also have day care facilities and there is even campuses for mothers! I wish id known this when my son was a baby and I probably would of still gone to uni (I gave up my place). But I still have time to begin a career.
I hope all goes well. It is scary! But just be there for your daugter and get excited, your going to be a nanny!!! :) :) feel free to ask me any other questions.
Hi there, my daughter got pregnant when she was 16 and 11 yrs later has a gorgeous son who is a caring, kind and most loving boy. She lived with me during pregnancy and afterwards for about a year and I helped out quite a bit, but I was honoured to be involved in caring for my gorgeous grandson. My daughter has really done an incredible job raising him and has completed a uni degree and done part time work as well. She is now doing further study in order to become a sandplay therapist. She is a grounded, loving, creative parent and I am so proud of her! I think the most important thing is to respect the decision your daughter has made and try to support her in any way you can and don't give her too much advice, unless of course she is asking for advice...... Love her dearly and trust that she will do a great job. Don't worry about what other people think or say - you can't stop them from being negative but you can show the world that you love and respect your daughter and the decisions she makes. I wish you and your daughter all the best and hope that all goes well. I am sure you will fall in love with your grandchild, I love my grandson sooooo much and am blessed to have him in my life :)