HI, I am seeking feedback and information on how couple with families share and work out money matters. Am wondering what is considered fair and normal as I feel a bit peeved at the other half's spending habits. I am in a long term relationship (10 years) with a child to my current partner and another child from a previous relationship.
At present I work part time and my partner works full time. I get quite generous child support from my first childs' father so all expenses for that child are well and truly taken care of. My partner gives me an allowance of $350 a week. We have no joint accounts. He pays the mortgage and school fees for our child. I pay for groceries, private health for me and the 2 kids (he has his own plan), all my car expenses (rego, insurance etc), I pay my own phone plan, (we have no home phone), I pay for internet, contents insurance, and most other expenses to do with the me and the kids (uniforms, gifts, activities etc). The problem is, that if I do ask for extra (to cover, say out of the ordinary costs or some other activity for our child), he gripes and sulks and I end up feeling like crap. I am grateful for all the financial support I get and we both work hard, but sometimes I feel resentful as he earns at least 3 times what I do, but his finances are kept very apart from mine and he spends a LOT of money on his own interests and expenses whenever he likes ( he has 4 motorbikes, and old cars and is always buying tools and handyman gear), but I am made to feel like he's doing me a huge favour when he passes extra money my way. He can be quite selfish with money at times in that the kids and I rarely get presents from him, and he rarely contributes to gifts for family(even his own parents get nothing from him). We have never been on a family holiday and most of the furniture, toys and household effects are ones have purchased.(which he often disapproves of as they are usually second hand or not very expensive). As he is hardly ever home I am the one doing all the housework and child minding as well as paid work. The paid work is my choice, but that is only because I don't want to be in a position where I am relying on him for money. I am right for feeling this is unfair?
How do you handle finances in your relationship?
How do you handle finances in your relationship?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Money
10 Replies
Honestly I wouldn't consider having a kid with someone unless all money was pooled. It's family money not his money or my money it's 'our' money. We decided on a reasonable incidental spending amount for each of us for lunches, coffee etc and any major expenses we discuss before buying.
When I hear if stories like yours I have to ask what happens if one of you becomes too sick to work or has to quit work to look after a sick child? What happens are you expected to live off nothing?
I have a couple of friends who have separate accounts and pay for separate bills. I just find it strange. My husband is our income earner but his pay is for 'our' family. When I return to work my pay will also be 'our' money. None of this separate stuff.
I think when u enter a committed relationship then what's his is hers and what's hers is his should apply especially when their are children and a mortgage involve.
And receiving an allowance each week, are u 15 or something? I would personally find that insulting. You have every right to feel unhappy with the situation. Maybe it's time to have a chat about pooling in all your wages, possibly get rid of separate accounts and get a joint account.
Have you had a conversation about what happens if you don't/ can't work? What happens then, he will be responsible for all of the payments of everything. Personally, I wouldnt put up with that. He is using money to control you and it is not right. We are a one income family so what my husband makes is what we have for our family. I do all the finances however and control how the money is spent, done through open communication and discussion with every single thing we spend on, bills and fun stuff. This is a partnership. Everything we do including spending money is done in the besy interests of our 'family'. Sounds like he is living like a bachelor! xo
All our accounts are linked and I handle the finances. We both work and we both pay the bills and mortgage, there is no real system that he pays 50% and I pay 50% the bills come in and whoever has money in their accounts pays the bills haha.
He has no idea when our direct debits come out, how much we pay on the mortgage ect I like being in charge. We did breifly have separate unlinked accounts and it created a lot of issues with 'my money' and 'his money' I was paying all the bills and he was spending the money on his own interests and barely contributing.
We used to give him an allowance of $100 a week but he lost his job earlier in the year and we don't have a disposable income anymore as he is working casual and me part time (30 hours)
My mum and her partner do everything separate and that works for them, I suppose it depends on the couple.
It's a tough situation. Only in the last year my husband and I started to amalgamate our assets. Prior to that I paid half the rent and we would alternate paying for groceries and bills despite having a baby together!
Now that things are amalgamated (mostly) it is easier. Hubby contributes about 90% of pay into a joint account (he's full time). We pay for our expenses from that. We both have separate accounts but they are for joint purposes. My pay goes into my personal account (I'm part time) and any excess above a certain amount goes to our family trust (joint) for investment. The amount in my account (around $7k-$10k) is in my name for tax purposes but is for us as it is effectively an emergency fund account.
We do a budget and track expenses together. I pay all of them from our joint account and he manages the investment earning side (we're both accountants).
My advice is to do a budget together and also perhaps do a summary of what you used your money for over a month. This way it will illustrate to him how much he is getting to spend on luxury items whilst you can't and it might be a good way to start those discussions into a more reasonable allowance. Best of luck.
Pretty much from the start we opened a joint account and it's the only account we have, nothing is mine or his it's ours. He has a daughter from a previous relationship not once have I refused to pay for anything involving her and never would to me she is my daughter (so to speak she has a mum) and I wouldn't have it any other way. Why wouldn't he be on the same private health insurance that's just a waste of money
Our income is combined, I pay all the bills out of this combined income, I put spending money for the week in one account and the remainder goes into a savings account. I think its strange when a couple don't combine there income. My fiancé and I always discuss any big buys and I always call him even if its something small just so he is aware and he does the same.
I am following this. Can I just say MEN!!! Mine controls all of our finances unfortunately I am a stay at home mum and dont have my own income. I get a top up of family support and its withdrawn for childcare immediately. I am not allowed to have anything to do with it but we are in debt because of all of his credit cards and ways! Hmmmm..... whos more responsible with the money. Its frustrating for me! We argue and I choose to let him win for the peace.... goodluck. If you are not happy talk to about it and get counselling I am seeing a psychologist at the moment.
We have separate accounts and pay for different things. I pay groceries he pays for everything else and puts money into the savings towards the house deposit. he earns a hell of a lot more than me. But its not really his money, my money. We just see whatever is in our accounts as part of the weekly budget and we know whats going where and what we have left for extras and if either is unsure we discuss it.
Sharing is caring that's how it should b