I'm going to cry writing this, but its been clouding my mind for so long and I just don't know what to do. I just really need some advise, ideas, anything, to help me regain some confidence within myself.
For months I have felt so lacking in confidence, my self esteem has plummeted. I find myself assuming that none of the other mothers at my child's kindergarten would ever be interested in getting a coffee with me, or even want to have a conversation with me at pick up and drop off time. The few mothers I did have small talk with just sort of stopped... I'm a nice person and I love to joke around and have fun but I feel like there is a thick cloud surrounding me and its suffocating my personality so I can't shine through. The best way to describe it is, I am just this blob of existence filling in space.
I've always been a pretty shy person until I'm comfortable with the people around me, but this is getting painful. Simple tasks like ordering coffee can leave me a nervous wreck, tangling up my words and flushing and feeling so incredibly stupid. I find myself relying on my husband to be like a security blanket whenever I have to do things out of my comfort zone or be in social situations. I feel dumb most of the time, like my brain just can't function thanks to that freaking suffocating cloud.
I'm a healthy person. I exercise a few times a week, eat a balanced diet but it doesn't seem to make a difference.
I stress and worry about all things social related, others kid's birthday parties, playgroup, going out for dinner, going to another town on my own, i do it but it leaves me a stressed out panicky mess and thinking up all sorts of ways to avoid it!.. I replay conversations in my head, thinking about all the dumb things I said and and wishing I wasn't so nervous all the time. Wishing I was confident. I'm finding myself shutting people out...i don't want to but I can't help it. I keep finding myself thinking, why would anyone ever be interested in being friends with me...
4 Replies
Go to your GP get a mental health plan and or medication (if appropriate) and go see a psychologist
Reading this, is like i could have written it, it got so bad i couldnt leave the house a couple months ago, my dad even started taking my children to kinder and daycare because i couldnt go, even to the supermarket was a hassle.. Although i know the cause of my lack of confidence, it turned into a deep depression, i knew i had to get out and get help, and i joined an empowering womens group which is what i looked forward to for weeks coz at the beginning it was the only time i left the house... but we learnt that, most if not all women have confidence problems they are insecure about their looks their personality whether people like them... etc so your not alone, im still struggling, i don claim to be cured, but knowing that even the woman who looks the most confident most of the time isnt, and if they are its because they dont give a beep about what other people think of them :) no doubt all the women up there are feeling just as insecure as you... and i know it sounds like a cliche, but affirmations do help, putting it in a place you will read it a few times a day
I think you should see your doctor. It sounds like there may possibly be issues surrounding anxiety and depression. In the meantime when you are feeling stressed try to distract yourself. Like if you are going to get a coffee try and focus on something that doesn't stress you out. An example may be the words of a particular song.
Also in the meantime you can try and change your thoughts about the way you feel about certain activities. Essentially cbt focuses on the fact that your feelings impact your thoughts which impact your behaviour which impact your feelings. So it's essentially an interconnected process. By changing one of those things the idea is that you can change the other two. So in the example of the coffee you may automatically be thinking "I'm going to stutter" over and over again which results in you stuttering. When you catch yourself thinking like this think the opposite. So instead you may recite "I am going to successfully order a coffee".
Best of luck! X
Sounds like anxiety. I would see gp and maybe seek medication. I would try not to let it stop you from going out. Push yourself to go Out and practice talking to people (even if it is just ordering a coffee). The more you do it the better you feel the more you run from it the harder it will be. Try doing things to boost your confidence. A new dress? A tan? luck hunny!