I'm really lost and don't know what to do. My daughter is 11. A few months ago I found a message between my daughter and her friend saying that my daughter had had "sex" with a boy a fair while ago. I was devastated as I know that the boy she was talking about had been in trouble at school for doing something to another boy. It turns out someone else had done it to him. I asked my daughter about it and she said she was just lying to her friend because she didn't want her to " go out with him". I believed her. I have just gone on her iPod now and discovered webpages that have been visited that are extremely pornographic. I don't know what to do, I don't know if she is just curious or if something really has happened to her that has now prompted her to learn more or try to rationalise what happened. I don't know how to approach the subject now. I have set restrictions on her iPod so she cannot access it anymore. I want her to be open with me but I don't know if she will. I'm not sure what Im actually asking, maybe guidance or help from someone that may have gone through this. She's only 11, she's my baby and I don't want her to be going through something and not be able to come to me.
8 Replies
Bring it up with her, just say if there is anything you ever want to talk about with me or ask me you know you can etc etc. sometimes that's enough to open the flood gates
Read to her "A secret safe to tell" google it, Its a childrens book, but it may help. its helped many kids already
Get her to a councillor hun, maybe organize a meeting at school with just you and the principal and councilor to address your concerns xo
I don't know if something has happened to her or not, or if she is interested in having sex now or not. However I was 11 and started googling porn. Don't ask me why i did it. It aroused me and I found it interesting, I didn't masturbate to it and it didn't make me go have sex, I still waited a long time afterward to have sex. My mum freaked out too!
I think it best to talk to her openly and honestly. Let her know she can ask you questions and you will answer them. I would think she is just curious. Maybe try letting her know that this stuff is normal during development (crazy I know at 11 but I assure you it is) and that porn is not real and it is just like watch television it is not a true account of sex in any way..
Good luck I faced the same thing with my boys at that age and do expect it soonish with my daughter who is 10.
Searching porn does not lead me to believe she has been assaulted in any way just that she is developing and going from a little girl to a young woman..
Could it be that's she's just curious about sex ?? I know I started sex ed at school at 10
Pm me if you like this happened to me with my daughter Best thing is to be honest I made her sit and watch sex videos then she and to write 20 questions down I ask her and reassured her they could be any questions, I cried and let her see so she knew how upset I were, not at what she'd done but what she'd seen and the miss conseption on what are in these videos .let her know you you are not angry more then happy to talk more
I would say the websites are just sexual curiosity, she is learning about her body etc
from what I read the boy is around her age, they might have been looking at each other's bits etc lost of kids do, if it was playing etc just reasure her no one can do anything she does not want them too. if she told you nothing happened and you believe her then leave it alone.
I am sorry but she is not a baby she is 11 and by pretending she is not sexual at this age might come back to bite you in the bum.
talk to her about boys, sex periods etc or you might put her in a position where she feels she can not come to you.