I am a 40 yo woman. I'm in the first year of my 2nd marriage. I have 2 teenage boys. I love my husband & kids more than life.
I haave always suffered from depression & self medicated with marijuana & alcohol. But only at night when the kids have gone to bed. My husband does not like this (I Don't blame him) & its now causing problems in our marriage. I know I'm fucking things up royally but I don't know how to stop. He knows the reasons as to why (another long story).) I have over the years tried numerous doctors for help but always get anti depressent meds which I hate. I don't trust drs or mental health workers as they have been no help to me. I'm spiralling out of control with my emotions & I'm so scared I'm going to lose everything that means everything to me. I don't know what to do next or where to g for help. My marriage is falling apart & its the last thing in the world that I want or need. Please . Help . Me.
drugs/alcohol to cope with past is affecting my marriage
drugs/alcohol to cope with past is affecting my marriage
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
5 Replies
This is going to be hard to hear. Go back to your GP and go back to mental health workers. You say you don't like anti depressants but are ok with marijuana which you have no way if knowing it's strength plus there are proven negative side effects not to add that alcohol is a depressant so although it will make you feel good for the short term in the long term it makes you feel even worse. You may actually need to be checked into a drug and alcohol program.
Going to see mental health professionals is CONFRONTING, UNCOMFORTABLE and bloody scary! But if you don't push through it you don't get better. I'm proof of that I used to feel like vomiting every time I went to start with but I absolutely had to get better because I couldn't go another day living like I was. So tears, tantrums, dry wretching I made it to my appointments I faced my fears and took my meds. Guess what my life is AMAZING! I'm incredibly happy, serene at peace with myself and the world. I don't feel like I need to self medicate and I have the tools to cope if I hit a bump in the road.
It is bloody scary!! I just want to 'feel' how everyone else around me 'looks', which is peaceful & happy with their lot in life. I'm not a trusting person & I will absolutely NOT open up & be truthful to a stranger which is how I feel about drs & mental health workers.
I thankyou from the bottom of my heart for your reply.
I really don't know where to start with all this but I do know I really need help & I'm so scared of the long road ahead of me which makes me more anxious & depressed. I just want to be normal- whatever that is, I have no idea- but don't know how to get there. My husband doesn't understand & it feels like he is just trying to avoid it all in the hope it will fix itself.
I would be going back to your gp and organizing a care plan. I'm on antidepressants and it took a good 6 months for me to feel human and happy again. For the sake of your marriage I'd give it another go! Maybe even look into a rehab Centre. Good luck but I would be doing everything I possible can to save my marriage especially if this is your only issue!
I agree, go back and see your doc. It could take a couple of different psychologists/councillors before you find one that you are comfortable with.
I saw 6 before I found one that didn't make me feel like I was being judged for having problems.
Best thing I ever did. You may not like antidepressants, but once you find the right one you will be amazed the difference they make. Dont be scared. Take control and live life to the fullest again.
hugs and love sister xxxx
As others have said get a doctor and mental health team behind you, you will need people who you can be honest to which may be difficult to find but keep trying. Another thing is look into narcotics anonymous, they will help you through your marijuana and alcohol addictions and help your family to and hopefully help your husband to understand. See if you can find a good naturopath and try natural remedies if you want to avoid antidepressants but be warned these will not always work so be prepared for the possibility of antidepressants again. With a combination of a good psychologist, doctor and support around you from family, friends, and support groups will help.