Needing some advice. Mother is coming from the UK in a couple of weeks. I should be happy. My problem is I was abused by my father and my mother knew about it a did nothing to stop or support me. I was to blame. When I had my kids I moved to Australia and had little to do with her. We have kind of spoken about how I feel but she always turns it back on me. I have been in counselling for years. This news has set me back as I am expected to spend time with her. How do I tell her that there is no room in my life for her.
5 Replies
Honestly. Tell her that you know the abuse you endured was not your fault and that if she chooses to believe otherwise she is free to do so. Say goodbye and to not contact you again. As for spending time together (I assume this would be other family expecting this), be unavailable - even if you and your family have to take off elsewhere for the duration. Got any close friends you haven't seen in a while?
Ive been through this myself and cut myself off from my mum because of her turning a blind eye and blaming me, the only way I was able to have a relationship with my mother again was after she left my step father and apologised and accepted I wasnt to blame for it.
You just have to tell her you are not going to see her if ayone else is expected you to see her then you have to also tell them you are not going to see her as well. If she cant be a mother to you then why should you have to treat her like one? It seems like a hard thing to do but stand your ground and just tell her and anyone else who wants to push it. You have to put yourself first. Feel free to contact me if you want to chat more :)
First off let me start by saying how sorry I am you have had to deal with this. No child should ever be blamed for abuse.
Advice, tell her flat out that she was an adult you a child it was her reponsibilty to protect you and believe you. That the only person to blame for your abuse is your father! Tell her she is entitled to her opinions but if she can not support you and be a part of your life without making it all your fault then it is time to say goodbye and move on with your life.
Family gatherings I would simply tell whoever is hosting it that you cant make it and enjoy time with your family without the stress.
Good luck *hugs*
Be honest & tell her how you feel. I haven't been in your situation but I believe that if you tell her & she still won't support you then you may want to cut contact with her & tell her that if she cannot support you then you can't have her in your life. Good luck xx
Honesty is the best way. Tell her how you feel as bluntly/straight forward as possible. She doesn't care about your feelings so don't worry about what you say if it may hurt her or not.
tell her the relationship has no place in ur life.